True Confessions: Have you Lost your Cool with your Aging Parents?
Last week’s post about having patience with our aging parents (aka Golden Oldies), caused me to think about the exact opposite experience. Despite our best efforts, each of us has probably lost our patience and blown up at our care recipients at one time or another, in some way or other. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t.
My question to you is, “Then what?”
How did you handle repairing any hurt you may have caused by lashing out at someone you’re caring for and, most likely, care deeply about? What steps did you take to make things right? What did you do or not do? How did they react?
It’s true confessions time.
I promise to share my story in next week’s post, but you go first in the comment section below. 
Posted in Caregiver Stress, Communication |
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Sometimes the exasperation I feel explodes into cutting remark or loud and obviously irritated sigh. Thing is, my mom is to the point she forgets about it in a few minutes, if she recognizes the mild put down at all. To bring it up again would be unproductive. I just have to forgive myself, find the saner perspective that it’s not personal, and learn to better let go and let God.
Your past posts on communicating with Golden Oldies has been instrumental in helping with this!
Dear Lori,
“To bring it up again would be unproductive.” If only more caregivers could grasp that concept. With memory-impaired individuals, the caregiver must always be the one to apologize and move on, since the care recipient’s brain can’t process enough to do this or, as you say, even remember a harsh word was spoken. Also being able to give oneself is vital, yet so many caregivers beat themselves up for not being “perfect” at all times. Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom with us.
My father sulked and wanted to leave my home. I pointed out to him that there was no other place for him to go. He sulked for some more time and since then has just learnt to keep his cool so that I do not lose mine.
My mother tends to hang on to the pain when I lose my patience with her. She cries and looks as if she’s going to collapse, even the next day. I take a deep breath, hug her and apologize that I upset her so. She cries some more, but later that day is usually back to ‘normal.’ She’s the exact opposite when she upsets me, however. She doesn’t apologize and I just have to get over it.
Thank you SO much for this website. It’s saving my sanity.
[...] In a prior post I acknowledged that in our role as family caregivers, we’ve all probably lost our patience with our aging parents or care recipients at some point. I also promised to share with you my own experience, so here [...]
Dear Rummuser,
I hope your father continues to keep his cool and you do, too.
Dear Ellen,
Welcome to TLeC! Your mother is very lucky to have such a caring daughter as you are to her! Hang in there. Glad I can help in some small way.