This is the one question I hear most frequently from baby boomers caring for their aging parents, and I wish there was a “one size fits all” answer for it.

All of our aging parents (or Golden Oldies as I prefer to call them) decline in various ways and at different rates, but here are some guidelines to help you decide if it is time to take steps to move mom and dad out of their long-time home into an assisted living environment.

Physical Safety First

This is the most critical benchmark to apply.  It’s a simple question to ask yourself, “Are he/she/they safe living at home alone?”

Would they know what to do in case of an emergency?  And would they be capable of taking those actions?

If they fell anywhere in their home, do they wear a call button to push for help?  Will they remember to do so, and how to, if they panic?

If they are a married couple, would they hear their spouse calling for help from another room of the house?  Are they strong enough, mentally and physically, to help the other one in an emergency (i.e., a fall)?

If there’s a natural disaster (i.e., earthquake, hurricane, or tornado), would they know what to do during and after to survive if help doesn’t arrive quickly?

Are they a continuing fall risk?

Are They Potential Targets of Scammers?

Would they give out personal information over the telephone to a stranger?  Can they hear well enough on the phone to identify who they’re speaking with?

Would they open their front door to strangers or solicitors?

Are they comfortably in control of their finances and doing their own banking successfully? Are their bills getting paid on time? Have their been any irregularities with their bank accounts or credit cards?

If they use a computer, are they savvy enough to be aware of and avoid online schemes and scammers?

Are they hard of hearing or is their vision declining? These factors could increase their vulnerability.

Warning Signs in their Day to Day Living

In a previous blog post I created a detailed list of things to pay attention to when visiting your parents, whether you live nearby or far away.  You don’t have to pepper them with questions to figure out if they’re doing fine on a day-to-day basis.  Just walk through their home and observe whether these warning signs of decline are evident.  Try your best to really be objective — it’s hard to admit to ourselves when our parents may be declining.

What’s Next?

Based on your honest answers to these questions, if there is any doubt in your mind that your aging parents are no longer secure in their present homes, now is the time to start researching assisted living facilities. It’s best to be proactive rather than reactive on this issue, to avoid having to find a place for them quickly in case of emergency.  Even if they’re not ready to look into alternative living arrangements themselves, as their adult children and caregivers it would be wise to begin touring potential new residences.  You won’t be sorry you did.

Have you been through the process of moving your aging parents?  How did you know it was time for them to make the transition? Please leave your experiences in the Comment section below.  Through your story, you may be helping another family. Thanks!

Related posts:

1. TV Watching and Our Aging Parents – Part 1
2. Holidays with Your Aging Parents: Don’t Miss These Warning Signs
3. Notice Decline in Your Aging Parents? Action Steps — Part 1

This is the final part in our story about how we found the best assisted living facility for 82-year-old Sally to live in.   Please read the background info here, and the reports about our visits to Assisted Living Facilities “A” and “B.”  Below is the outcome of our search . . . .

When we left Assisted Living Facility “B,” I decided to be quiet and see what Sally had to say about the tours we took that day as I drove her back to her friend’s home.

My Thoughts and Assessments

I was wondering if she’d seen enough places? Did she have long enough visits at both facilities to gather enough data to make her decision?

If Sally asked my opinion, I would have recommended Facility “A”  for these reasons:

** Physically, the layout was smaller and easier to learn.

** There was a furnished room available immediately in a prime location with a lovely woman who would welcome her as a roommate.

** The Marketing Director took a lot of time getting to know Sally before we even began our tour. He made me believe the staff truly took an interest in and cared about their residents — it was more than just “filling a vacancy” there.

** The number of residents was slightly less in Facility “A,” and, therefore, the staff could get to know each resident better.

** I liked the suburban feel of the area “A” was located in.

As it turned out, I’m really glad I kept my mouth shut!

Sally’s Decision Was . . . .

Sally knew the next step was for her family in New York to speak with the Administrative Staff of the facility she chose to discuss the finances of her new living quarters, and what the move-in steps were they would need to take.

Before I could even ask, “Sally, which place did you like better?” she said:  ”When you speak with Mark, you tell him I definitely want to move to Facility “B!”  It took her no time to make up her mind!

That really surprised me!  But as I thought it over, it made total sense to me.  Sally could see herself living among the people at Facility “B” because the majority of residents there had her cultural background!  That’s what it really came down to.  The demographics and the type of food they serve clearly outweighed the other factors I was weighing in my mind.

My Take-Aways

I had learned these lessons through my previous caregiving experiences with my own parents, but their importance was re-emphasized during my time spent with Sally:

• To keep an open mind because not everyone has the same perceptions, perspectives and values as me.
• As long as a senior citizen (aka Golden Oldie) can make decisions, allow them to do so (unless it’s a matter of their personal safety).
• We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. It’s often better to remain silent and listen, than to speak too soon.

Post Script

Sally moved into Assisted Living Facility “B” within two weeks.  Her family flew out from NY to purchase furnishings, decorate her half of the Friendship Suite she moved into, and get her settled in.  The other half of her new room would remain vacant until a suitable roommate could be found, but she made new friends there immediately.  Sally is thriving in her new home, and I wish her many more happy and healthy years there!

Have you been on a housing search like Sally and I went on?  What was the outcome? What factors went into the decision to select one Assisted Living facility rather than another for your Golden Oldies?  Please share your story in the Comments section below.

Related posts:

1. A Story about Finding Assisted Living — Part 1
2. A Story About Finding Assisted Living — Part 3
3. A Story About Finding Assisted Living — Part 2

This is the third article in a four-part series about finding an assisted living facility for 82-year-old Sally to live in.  Please read the background info here, and about our visit to Assisted Living Facility “A” here.  Her story continues below . . .

Sally and I were running nearly two hours late for our scheduled tour of Assisted Living Facility “B,” but I called ahead twice to let the staff know we were behind schedule but still coming there. Facility “B” is owned by the same parent company as “A,” but as we approached in my car there were a few differences evident.  While they are situated only about 20 minutes apart in Los Angeles County, the neighborhood around “B” has more of  a “city” feel to it.  The building is larger, high-rise in style, and located on a busier street than Facility “A.”  However, this neighborhood was where Sally had lived for many years, so she is familiar and comfortable with it.  And she has friends who live close by.

Our Welcome

Because there was no street parking available,  I dropped Sally off in front and parked in the underground parking structure.  A staff person met me in the parking lot, and we rendezvoused in the front lobby.  When I made the appointment by phone, the Marketing Director told me she wasn’t working on Saturday, but another Administrative Staff member would gladly give us a tour and answer our questions.  We were greeted by a pretty, young woman who identified herself as Jill, the Activities Director for Facility “B.”  We headed off with Jill for our tour right away.

The Tour

It was obvious that this facility was in the midst of a major remodeling and redecorating project, which the Marketing Director didn’t mention on the phone.  There were half-painted hallways, half-carpeted floors and half-finished rooms throughout the building.  It surprised me that no one prepared us for this “construction-zone” appearance. Jill told us it would be completed in about six weeks.

Facility “B” is home to 100 senior citizens (compared with 70 residents at Facility “A”) so it wasn’t just our impression of it being a larger building from the exterior, it actually is a larger community of people.  The Activities Director took us up to the second floor where the dining room is located, and we saw a large, concrete patio outdoors where residents may eat in nice weather.  They had held a luau on the patio the evening before, and the pretty, tropical decorations were still up.

As we walked around, Sally asked and received answers to the two questions she asked at Facility “A” and were obviously very important to her.  ”B” also offers bus transportation to local doctors and drug stores, and they have Catholic services held there weekly.

I noticed some signs written in Asian characters in the elevator.  I asked Jill about them, and she explained that 85% of their population was Asian.  She also went on to tell Sally and me they served both Western and Eastern food.  Upon hearing this, Sally stopped dead in her tracks, grabbed my arm and said, “My husband was Chinese!”  He had passed away many years ago, but obviously the Asian cultural influence within Facility “B” thrilled her.

Jill showed us a vacant “Friendship Suite” that Sally could move into immediately.  It seemed a little larger than the one in Facility “A,” but it was not furnished.  It did have a balcony which was a nice feature.  As we continued touring, Sally made the remark, “I’ll get lost here.”  While Facility “A” was an easy rectangular, two-story layout built around a central atrium, this building had a more convoluted layout, with various meeting areas on different floors accessible by elevators.

I could see Sally was tiring — using her umbrella more for support now.  We wound up sitting in the Arts and Crafts room.  A staff member brought us some water, and at this point, I asked,  ”Is there space in an existing Friendship Suite for Sally to share?”  Yes, there was one possibility, and Jill introduced us to a resident there named Aurora.  She and Sally immediately started speaking together in Tagalog, their native tongue!  After a brief conversation, Aurora went off to see some friends who just arrived for a visit.  Jill informed us that if Aurora and Sally weren’t a good fit as roommates, they would start a new Friendship Suite for Sally and then find a resident, either a current or new woman, who would then become her roommate.   Jill also informed us there were four Filipino staff members working at Facility “B.”

Getting Down to Details

Unlike our tour at Facility “A,” the Activities Director did not have the  the authority to discuss financial details, nor the specific next move-in steps with us.  She gave Sally a brochure with the required paperwork to be completed prior to moving there.  Jill asked us to call on Monday to speak further with the Marketing Director if Sally wanted to move in there.  While it would have been nice to have someone higher up to speak with then, it had already been a long day and we were both ready to head out.  We had a lot of impressions and input from both residences to mull over.

Decisions, Decisions

OK.  You’ve heard Sally’s story up to this point.  Now it’s your turn to guess the outcome.

Which Assisted Living Facility (“A” or “B”) did Sally choose and why?  What factors do you think weighed most heavily in her decision? Please leave your thoughts in the Comments  section below this post.

In Part 4 of this series, I’ll reveal Sally’s choice.  So stay tuned!

Related posts:

1. A Story about Finding Assisted Living — Part 1
2. A Story About Finding Assisted Living — Part 2

Six weeks ago I asked the TLeC community to participate in a survey by Ryan Malone, founder of Inside Assisted Living. The survey was initiated to better understand in which way and to what degree families are prepared for their loved ones’ transition to assisted living.

The results have been tallied and the free Assisted Living Family Preparedness Report has been released.

It is very comprehensive, and here are some of the key findings:

1. An overwhelming majority of survey respondents believe a friend or family member will require assisted living within the next ten years.

2. Respondents’ ability to pay for assisted living is the most frequently cited concern. They also have a self-described poor understanding of the financial aspects of assisted living (such as insurance, costs associated with room and board as well as private caregivers).

3. Families expect to play a major support role in their loved ones’ transition, including selecting a facility close to their homes and their loved ones’ existing medical care.

4. Families’ anxiety with regard to this transition include:

• Feeling guilty if they don’t visit their loved ones enough
• Hearing stereotypes about assisted living and not knowing if they’re true
• Fears their Golden Oldies will resent them, and
• Concerns about how the caregiving burden will impact them and their families

The complete report has more detailed information, graphs and analysis. Go to Inside Assisted Living now and read the free Assisted Living Family Preparedness Report. Learn where you and your family rank on the preparedness continuum.

Inside Assisted Living is a web site with practical information and resources to help you evaluate and prepare for the upcoming transition by your Golden Oldies to assisted living. And even if that occurrence seems way off in the future, it’s never too early to start getting educated about this phase of life. It will make it easier on all family members in the long run.

__________________________________________________

The Family Caregivers Communication Class series will continue in a few weeks. We still have lots to talk about.

Photo Credit: scart’s photostream

Related posts:

1. Update on Sophie, the New Board & Care Resident

On Saturday I received an interesting email from Ryan at Inside Assisted Living about an online survey he is conducting on the levels of knowledge, attitudes and preparedness family caregivers have about assisted living. In his words, “this is the only survey of its kind — one that takes a ‘by families, for families’ approach.” (Italics added.)

Who is Ryan?

He is a 36 year old man whose mother had a stroke in 2005 and as a result was thrust into the role of family caregiver overnight. You can read his caregiving story here. I had never heard of Ryan or his blog before, but these words jumped off the page at me:

“While I found much advice on medical conditions and treatment, I found virtually nothing on understanding assisting living. Sure there were some websites that taught you the basics, like “make sure a nurse is on duty” or “make sure the kitchen is clean”. But this is my mom and I wanted far better for her. I wasn’t putting her away, I was giving her assistance.” (Italics added.)

He created his blog to prepare families for the multi-faceted transitions that occur when Golden Oldies move from independent to assisted living. He wants “to share with you some of what I learned in hopes of making it easier for you and your mom, dad, relative or loved one.” Sounds familiar, don’t you think? Of course I wanted to help!

What Can You Do?

Ryan released his Family Attitudes and Preparedness Survey on August 7, 2008 and already has over 130 responses! His goal is to collect several hundred responses over the next 30 days. Ryan will be sending out a report by mid-September with the survey results as a way of thanking those who participate. I took the survey, and it took me exactly 15 minutes to complete — time very well spent in my opinion. Won’t you do the same?

“According to the Coalition to Protect Choice in Senior Living (CPCSL), 84 percent of Americans over the age of 50 expect an immediate family member to move into a senior living community within the next 10 years, while 24 percent over the age of 65 expect the same for themselves.”

This is the link to get more details and/or to take the survey: Family Attitudes and Preparedness Survey

Please take a few minutes to complete the survey and give Ryan a hand. If you aren’t in the demographic he is surveying, perhaps you can forward this request to friends, relatives or colleagues who are.

Ryan, welcome to the TLeC community!

And thanks in advance from Ryan and myself!

Warmly,

Linda

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