Please Adopt a Caregiver!

Helene Moore became a family caregiver for her husband after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 1993. Two wonderful things came out of this very difficult experience, and one of them is the Adopt a Caregiver program. The motivation behind this program in Moore’s words:

“Alzheimer’s disease is not contagious, yet the caregivers are usually left alone without the support of friends and neighbors, even family. This disease can last for many years, leaving the caregiver worn out and alone.

Adopt A Caregiver is my unique way of giving back. . . . .

Just send an email or phone the person who needs a friend, listen and come back often to let him/her know you care and are thinking of them. Just being there to listen is a huge help. “

I want to spread the word about this compassionate, brilliant and simple-to-achieve idea.

How Do I Find a Caregiver to Adopt?

Moore suggests checking your neighborhood, your social clubs, churches, synagogues, your doctor’s office, the Alzheimer’s Association message boards, and the Mayo Clinic message boards for starters.

My additional idea is to simply keep your eyes and ears open. As the population ages, more and more people around us are becoming caregivers for Golden Oldies right in their own families. Believe me, caregivers won’t be hard to find once you are aware of this need!

What Can I Do to Help a Caregiver?

People who haven’t taken on the responsibility of caregiving have a hard time understanding all of the pressures, worries and stress involved. Having someone to talk to about the hardest days, as well as the brighter days, is huge! Having more than one person to talk with is even better! While I am fortunate to have a small group of relatives and friends to share my caregiving stories with, I feel at times they may be tired of hearing about it, so I just keep quiet. A new person to share with would be welcome; especially if they arrive with the express purpose of “adopting” me!

Along with listening and lending support via phone or email, if you know the caregiver personally, you may ask to visit their Golden Oldie(s) with them. (Or if their aging parents live with them, spend time visiting the whole family in the caregiver’s home.) Simply having another person there actually makes the atmosphere lighter during visits. I’ve experienced this phenomena myself many times. As a family caregiver some days it is just so hard to visit my Mom’s board & care home and be in an “up” mood. Sharing the visit with a friend makes it much more enjoyable, both for the caregiver and their loved one, too.

If the caregiver is going out of town, you can offer to visit their Golden Oldies while they’re away. My cousins do this for me, and it is very reassuring to know others are keeping an extra eye on my Mom, and providing additional social interaction for her while I’m absent.

You can ask the caregiver if they’d like you to do a chore, run an errand, or cook a meal for them. Caregiving takes an enormous amount of energy, both physical and mental, and they might be too worn out to care for their own household on some days. Follow up with them, and don’t take “No” for an answer.

Encourage the family caregiver to “pamper themselves” in whatever way they’d like. Maybe it’s getting a massage, taking a long bubble bath, reading a book, doing their favorite sport or hobby, taking a walk or writing in their journal. Let them decide whatever actions to take to help to rejuvenate and refresh them. While family caregivers hear this message to care for themselves often, they don’t always make the time, or feel they have the time, to self-care. If you are able, check to be sure they are making time to pamper themselves regularly to prevent caregiver burnout, which in itself could create additional problems for them to deal with.

The Second Positive Outcome from Caregiving

I mentioned that Moore had two positive results from her caregiving experience. The second one was the writing of her book Behind the Mask in which she talks about what it was like being a caregiver.

Here are Moore’s words about the inception of this book. When her husband, Howard, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease:

” . . . my world caved in.

I started a secret journal to relieve my pain, while I smiled for Howard. it saved my sanity.

Seven years later they changed the diagnosis, and when I finally showed Howard my journal. He said, ‘You have to publish this. It’s beautiful, it’s you.’

Behind The Mask is that journal . . .”

While I haven’t read her book yet, I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy! Along with reading her whole caregiving journey, the mystery I want to understand is how Howard could have been misdiagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and how the Moores then coped with the journey this error sent them on!

You can read excerpts from Behind the Mask here. And learn more about the Adopt a Caregiver Program here.

Please Adopt a Caregiver today!

If you have already adopted a caregiver and want to add suggestions on what we can do to show our support, please leave them in the comment section below.