Inspiring Quotes for Caregivers: On Caregiver’s Rights — 12/10/08
December 10th is Human Rights Day around the world. Sixty years ago today the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) was published by the United Nations. The UDHR was the first international recognition that all human beings have fundamental rights and freedoms.
First, let’s take the concept of human rights from the global level to a personal one:
“Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home – so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world … Such are the places where every man, woman and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
And now let’s apply this concept to our caregiving world. Jo Horne, author of “Caregiving: Helping an Aging Loved One,” wrote this document:
Caregiver’s Bill of Rights
I have the right:
To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will enable me to take better care of my loved one.
I have the right:
To seek help from others even though my loved one may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.
I have the right:
To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonably can for this person, and I have the right to do some things for myself.
I have the right:
To get angry, be depressed and express other difficult emotions occasionally.
I have the right:
To reject any attempt by my loved one (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, anger or depression.
I have the right:
To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness and acceptance from my loved one for as long as I offer these qualities in return.
I have the right:
To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it sometimes takes to meet the needs of my loved one.
I have the right:
To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me when my loved one no longer needs my full-time help.
I have the right:
To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid physically and mentally impaired persons in our country, similar strides will be made toward aiding and supporting caregivers.
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My questions for you:
Is there anything you would like to add to the statements above?
Are you protecting and exercising your rights as a family caregiver?
Click 
Great list! I might add:
I have the right to be disappointed when family doesn not understand, nor offers help, but at the same time, I will try to keep them informed as best I can.
I have the right to take pride in my own personal growth as I develop a greater sense of patience, tenderness, and inner strength.
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What a great list.
“I have the right:To get angry, be depressed and express other difficult emotions occasionally.”
Seems especially important.
Hi SpaceAgeSage — Lori,
Thank you for these two excellent additions. Yes, family can be very disappointing,yet need to stay in the loop. And we definitely grow from this experience in many ways.
Hi Vered,
I agree. “Getting it out” in some way keeps one from becoming physically ill in my opinion. I usually cry a little, and then feel infinitely better.
I reserve the right to go out occasionally with the boys and let what little hair I have down.
WOW, what a powerful post that so many need to read. I will be sure to share this with those in our community as well as online! While I was taking care of my father in law who was dying of cancer, I felt many of the above mentioned feelings, but so often felt guilty, but now I realize that they were normal healthy feelings! More people need to be reminded of that.
Thanks again for a great post.
Jill
http://www.caring.com
Hi Linda – How well said. I’m sure if other caregivers read these “rights” their levels of guilt will decrease immensely.
Hi rummuser,
You make me laugh! Thank you. Have fun with the boys!
Hi Jill,
Welcome to the TLeC community! Thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry about your father-in-law. Yes, sometimes we think we’re alone in our feelings as caregivers, but we seem to have many in common. Your site is awesome, too!
Hi Barbara,
I hope you’re right!