8 Responses to “How to Handle the Guilt of Caregiving — Part 1”

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  1. April

    I recently moved my parents to an assisted living facility. The first couple of weeks I was so overwhelmed with guilt and sadness, I thought I was having a ‘break down’. In my mind, I knew it was the right decision given my Dad (93!) was doing virtually everything for Mom (92!)… dressing/undressing, taking her to the bathroom, walking her (with her walker) anywhere she wanted/needed to go around the house. And… there were falls… lots of them! My heart was so heavy…

    But, as the weeks passed, I’ve watched them settle into their new environment and the guilt has passed (I truly thought it NEVER would!). I know in my heart this was the right decision. It’s still very difficult seeing these two very special people who were so very vibrant their entire lives decline, but I don’t feel guilty about their living situation now, knowing they are as safe as possible. I’m so blessed to still have them in my life and cherish every moment I have with them.

    Thanks for your articles in Tender Loving Eldercare… they have helped!

  2. My situation is different. I have no guilt but a lot of frustration!
    Rummuser recently posted..The Universe

  3. I journaled everything,every emotion, every experience, practically every thought and I prayed without ceasing. God is not the author of guilt–but it took me four years to realize that. I ended up writing a book about my journey: Into the Mist: Journey Into Dementia–the result of those four years of journaling.There is life after dementia.
    Kathleen recently posted..ABIDING IN THE NIGHT WATCH

  4. Hello dear TLeC commenters & readers,

    I was away for an extended weekend to attend our son’s college graduation. Some of these comments were held in moderation for me to approve. I will be back to reply to each comment after I catch up here at home! Thank you for your patience . . . and your sincere comments on a difficult topic!
    Linda Abbit recently posted..How to Handle the Guilt of Caregiving — Part 1

  5. Dear April,

    Thank you for telling us your placement story. Many families feel guilt during this process, and it sounds like you’ve gotten a handle on it now. Be aware that it may still crop up from time to time. “Knowing they are as safe as possible” is key! They are so very lucky to have a caring and loving daughter like you! Welcome to TLeC — glad my posts have helped!

    Dear rummuser,

    You’ve provided another topic for me to address in a future post — frustration! Thank you! Hope your dad is doing well, and you are hanging in there as best as you can. Thanks for being a loyal reader and commenter — it means so much to me!

    Dear Kathleen,

    Welcome to the TLeC community. I’m sorry about your loved one, and know that journaling is an excellent outlet for many caregivers. I will be heading over to check out your site shortly and learn more about your book. Thank you for telling us about these caregiver resources!
    Linda Abbit recently posted..How to Handle the Guilt of Caregiving — Part 1

  6. cb..

    What a poignant topic. I too feel this guilt. Now that my Pop is gone, I find myself wishing for even the *worst* day back so I can have more time with him. What I try to do now is gently share my experience with people in my life who are caregiving their elders. Just little tips and reminders of the bigger picture and the task at hand while still understanding their frustrations and exhaustion. My caregiving journey is over, but at least I can still lend an ear.

  7. Dear cb,

    Welcome and thanks for your comment! You are honoring your Pop’s memory by paying it forward and helping other caregivers along their journeys. “Lending an ear” is so vastly under-rated in our society as we are all so busy talking/emailing/texting these days, yet this basic and supportive action is much needed by caregivers. Hugs to you and thank you for helping others!

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