Funny Fridays: Because It’s Better to Laugh than to Cry!
Because January is the month most of us start new diets . . . .
I Like This Theory!
We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. So I’m not fat, I’m just really intelligent and my head couldn’t hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. [As seen on a Garfield comic]
_________________________
Exercise For Real Life
The doctor told me “Physical exercise is good for you.” I know that I should do it, but my body is out of shape, so I have worked out this easy daily program I can do anywhere:
Monday:
Beat around the bush.
Jump to conclusions.
Climb the walls.
Wade through paperwork.
Tuesday:
Drag my heels.
Push my luck.
Make mountains out of mole hills.
Hit the nail on the head.
Wednesday:
Bend over backwards.
Jump on the band wagon.
Balance the books.
Run around in circles.
Thursday:
Toot my own horn.
Climb the ladder of success.
Pull out all the stops.
Add fuel to the fire.
Friday:
Open a can of worms.
Put my foot in my mouth.
Start the ball rolling.
Go over the edge.
Saturday:
Pick up the pieces.
Whew! What a workout!
_________________________
A friend sent the following message on Twitter earlier in the week and it had me in stitches! I think she wants to remain anonymous, but a hat tip to her for this.
“Stepped on the scale yesterday. Lost 3 lbs! Jumped up and down to celebrate, while still standing on the scale. Broke the scale. Sigh.”
(If you’d like to follow me on Twitter click here.)
_________________________
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.
_________________________
To everyone in this wonderful TLeC community, have a great weekend! And don’t eat too much at those Super Bowl parties. 
Print This Post
Related Posts:
Click 
Yep, that sounded like Garfield.
You know “diet” is the word “die” with a “t” at the end, right? No wonder we often avoid it! I prefer “dietary changes.” It sound much easier.
Hi SpaceAgeSage Lori,
I like your expression “dietary changes” better, too! Thanks for sharing it here.
That was a welcome change from the earlier post! Here is something to think about and laugh at as well. The letter is about subsidies doled out by the British Government.
Dear Secretary of State,
My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would now like to join the “not rearing pigs” business.
In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.
I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?
As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven’t reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this?
My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is – until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.
If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100?
I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gases?
Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don’t rear?
I am also considering the “not milking cows” business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?
In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits.
I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.
Yours faithfully,
XXXXX XXXXXXXXXX
Hi rummuser,
Thanks for “not sharing” the above joke with us.
It is quite a brain teaser — love it!
Hi Linda. Sorry I’m late for comedy hour
I’ve been away for the past 3 days. I like that Exercise for Real Life — a truthful, and realistic workout. Sounds like something I could manage.
Hi Davina,
Thanks for being such a loyal TLeC reader! Hope you had a great long weekend away and you went somewhere fun! I’m also an enthusiast of the Real Life Exercise plan.