Family Caregivers Communication Class — Part 4: Talking with Hearing Impaired Aging Parents

This is Part 4 in a series.

You can read Part 1 “Think Before You Speak” here.

You can read Part 2 “Speaking Easily About Difficult Topics” here.

You can read Part 3 “Dealing with Pessimistic Aging Parents” here.

I recently spent eight days traveling with my cousins and one Golden Oldie aunt, age 90, who is hearing impaired and uses hearing aids. On our trip we visited another Golden Oldie aunt, age 95, who is completely deaf and whose hearing loss, unfortunately, cannot be helped by hearing aids. While this experience is fresh in my mind, It seems appropriate for me to share some valuable tips about communicating with seniors who have hearing loss.

Start With the Basics

This is probably obvious, but it could have a big impact on your Golden Oldie’s hearing ability: Be sure their hearing aid is turned on, fitted and adjusted properly and the batteries are charged. Many people who use hearing aids complain that background noises are amplified along with the sounds they are trying to hear, so no hearing aid is perfect. But insure that your aging parent has been to an audiologist, is following their recommendations and goes for re-checks if they are having any problems using the hearing devices successfully.

Considerations Before You Speak

Make sure your aging parent sees you approaching so you don’t startle them. If they don’t notice your approach, gently touch them on the arm or shoulder to make them aware of your presence before you begin speaking. Do not speak to them from behind or from their side.

Once you have their attention and focus, stand or sit directly in front of them. Have your face at the same level as their’s. Positioning yourself 3 to 6 feet away is optimal for listening and lipreading if they are able to do so.

Check the lighting to be sure you are not back lit and your parent isn’t just looking at a dark silhouette against a bright background. Try to have lighting directly on your face and check that the sun or a bright light isn’t shining right into their eyes.

Reduce or eliminate background noise as much as possible (such as music, TV’s, fans, or other conversations). While this isn’t always possible, there are helpful choices you can make. For example, eating in their home rather than going out to a dark and noisy restaurant where conversation may prove difficult or next to impossible.

If you go out to a restaurant or event with your hearing impaired Golden Oldie, strategically choosing a seat can improve their ability to hear. When possible, my aunt sits with her back to a wall because that means that she is only bombarded with sound from 180 degrees rather than 360 degrees. The wall deadens the sound somewhat, and if there is some textured covering, it even can muffle the bounce of sound.

Face-to-Face Conversations

Speak slowly and clearly in a normal tone of voice. Do not shout. Do not over exaggerate your lip movements. Using simple and short sentences may make it easier for your parent to comprehend.

If your Golden Oldie doesn’t understand what you are saying, try rephrasing it in different words to get your message across. Repeating the same words may lead to frustration for both parties.

Try not to jump from subject to subject. Let your Golden Oldie know that you’re changing the topic and check to make sure your aging parent is then focused on the new discussion.

Write your words down for them to read. We used a spiral notebook with my aunt who is deaf. We would write to her, and she would read our words and then speak her answer. An unexpected side benefit is that she now has a written record of our visit and can enjoy our visit over again by reading the notebook. When using this technique, be sure the lighting in the room is adequate. My aunt’s living room is dimly lit and I suggested to the caregivers that they add a halogen lamp in the rooms she uses most frequently, so she can more easily read the words people write to her.

You can make up a notebook with pictures or phrases often used in conversation with your parents that family or paid caregivers can then utilize.

Charades Anyone?

Utilize nonverbal means of communication to supplement your words. Provide visual cues through your facial expressions and natural gestures. I found myself using “Thumbs up” and “Thumbs down” gestures quite often with my aunts last week if we found ourselves in noisy places. Even someone untrained in lip reading can enhance understanding with nonverbal clues they see.

It helps if you do not chew gum or eat while talking. Keep your hands away from your face, too. If your Golden Oldie clearly sees your lips, they can connect what they’re trying to hear with the visible lip movements.

More Important Guidelines

My Golden Oldie aunt’s constant message to everyone is that louder is not better. When people raise their voices the sound becomes distorted, incomprehensible, and even painful because of hearing aid amplification.

If your Golden Oldie is tired or not feeling well, their ability to hear and comprehend may be less than usual.

Be inclusive. Sometimes my cousins and I would find ourselves chattering on around my two aunts who had no clue about what we were saying. One of us would then take the time to either speak slowly or write to them to keep them included in the conversation.

Be patient and kind. It may take a little longer and a little more effort to speak with your hearing impaired aging parents, but it will be well worth it to reach your goal of having many enjoyable and meaningful conversations with them.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

~ Mark Twain

If you have any other tips or suggestions, please write them in the Comments below. I love to learn from you, too!