Children Always Welcome Here
When I was a teenager I resented my parents’ expectation that I would visit my grandparents nearly every weekend. Although I loved them dearly, I found it uncomfortable when I’d walk into the main living room of the “Senior Citizens Hotel” in Rockaway Beach where they lived, because many of the other residents would watch my every move, listen to every word I said, or just stare at me! (Precisely what a self-conscious teenager wants.)
I didn’t understand why they did this until I became a family caregiver and visited my aging parents in their various living arrangements; first, independently in a seniors-only community, then in two large, assisted living faciilities, and finally in two small board and care houses.
I’ve observed firsthand that residents of assisted living and board and care facilities rarely get to see anyone younger than middle-aged adults around them! The caregivers may be young (in their 20’s or 30’s), but the majority of the visiting doctors, nurses, lab technicians, activity directors, cooks, janitors and entertainers are the same age or older than the residents’ own adult children. These living situations do not reflect the real world demographics the seniors have lived in all of their lives.
Yes, some Golden Oldies have grandchildren, great-grandchildren, neighbors’ or friends’ children who visit them occasionally. But for the most part they do not see nor have the chance to interact with children on a daily or even weekly basis. So, all of those years when I thought I was just visiting my grandparents, I was also bringing a slice of teenage life to many other Golden Oldies who resided with them. No wonder they stared at me like I was from another planet!
My Mom’s great-great nephew, M, age 8 months, and some other family members came to visit her at her board and care cottage two months ago. I was thrilled to see the oldest (age 98) and youngest members of our famliy meet for the very first time! An unexpected bonus was that M was the center of attention for ALL of the residents during this visit with Mom and our family. He very happily played on the living room floor while the other ladies present watched his every move and ate him up with their eyes! And even this week, the caregivers were showing new visitors M’s handprint that was outlined in the Guest Book just for fun on the day he visited.
So if you know any children, from infants up to and including college-aged kids, who can take time to visit some Golden Oldies, please encourage them to do so. And if you can arrange for intergenerational visits to happen on a regular basis, that’s even better! Some churches and temples have an “Adopt a Grandparent” program for children to participate in, where groups of children visit board and care homes to talk with the residents on a monthly basis. A little visit goes a long way.
There is another thing that, while being hard for me to fathom, I’ve personally observed. Some Golden Oldies don’t have visits from their adult children once they are settled in their assisted living facility! A very sad fact of life. The children take care of their parents’ physical and financial needs, but are just “too busy” to visit regularly. Perhaps they’ll come on a birthday or holiday, but sometimes not even then. Since I became aware of this, I’ve made it a point to spend time talking with every resident I come into contact with when I visit my mother — just in case this senior is one who falls into the “No Visitors” category. Sometimes I can’t do more than greet them warmly hello and goodbye due to schedules or logistics, but whenever I can I have conversations with any Golden Oldies who cross my path. It pains me to think how lonely they might be!
And what if your aging parents live independently, but in a neighborhood with no young families to give them some intergenerational fun?
If you can’t rustle up some children to visit your parents, then take your parents to places where children are likely to be. For example, my Mom and I go out “for a stroll” in her wheelchair to a local park in the afternoons (weather permitting). She just loves to watch the children playing in the playground, as well as the many dogs being walked there. Another suggestion would be to take your parents to a play, concert or sporting event at the local high school or junior high school. The admission price is usually reasonable and I’m sure they would enjoy watching whatever activity the children participate in. Go to a bowling alley, miniature golf course or an arcade, sit on a bench and just watch the children if your parent doesn’t want to (or can’t) partake in the activity.
All is takes to make these intergenerational visits happen is a little planning and time. No one deserves it more than our aging parents. And the children will begin to understand why we call them our Golden Oldies.
Click 
During high school, I worked in the front office of a retirement home on weekends. One resident would always come to visit me and chat for a while. I looked forward to her visits.
I know some residents had few visitors so they were always anxious to visit. I was glad to be there for them; even played pool on my break with some of them. It was a rewarding experience to be there.
Hi Linda,
This reminds me of when we were kids and our great uncle was in an assisted living facility. We would go visit him and all of the other Golden Oldies would walk s-l-o-w-l-y past his door. We would wave and smile. They would smile back.
It’s a great memory.
Linda, this reminds me of when my Grandmother was in a nursing home. We would visit her when we were in town, and she was always happiest to see our kids (five years old and younger at the time). More recently I had an aunt who was temporarily in a nursing home recovering from surgery. We just saw her again last weekend at a birthday party, and one of the things she commented on was how great it had been for us to visit her when she was at the nursing home. It really is important! And really pretty easy to do - it’s not like it takes that much time out of our schedule to bring joy into someone else’s life. Great post!
Hi Davina,
Thanks for sharing your story. I believe that giving of yourself and your time brought extra happiness to those seniors’ lives. And you did it as a teen without complaining like I did. They were lucky to have you working there.
Hi Barbara,
It’s amazing to see the ripple effect a smile and a wave can have! Some things never change, and I’m so grateful for that. What a sweet picture you drew in our minds. Thanks!
Dear Lance,
Looks like you already “get” the message, and are also teaching your children through your thoughtfulness and actions! Thanks for sharing your time and stories here as well.
My grandma is 92. She loves to see me, but she enjoys my kids even more. Her face lights up when she sees them.
Vered,
LOL! I know what you mean. I’d tease my parents that they didn’t care if my husband and I were visiting them, as long as our son, Robbie, was there! He’d bring the biggest smiles to their faces — and still does to my Mom’s! Don’t know if she’s smiling b/c she knows it’s her only Grandson, or if she’s just happy to see a young man walk into the house. Doesn’t really matter, as long as she smiles.
Thanks for your comment.
[…] I know Duchovny exists in the world of Hollywood, specifically Show Biz Hollywood, the land of stay-forever-young-especially-if-you-want-to-keep-working. But I am very happy to see that he and his wife realize it is not a normal environment and want their kids exposed to “old people.” My hunch is that their family’s “Golden Oldies” may reside in or near New York so it will be wonderful to live close by and give their children the opportunity to have lots of visit with the grandparents and vice versa. You know I’m a huge fan of intergenerational relationships. […]
[…] her post titled, “Children Always Welcome Here” Some Golden Oldies don’t have visits from their adult children once they are settled in their […]
Coming from an Asian country, I note that most old folks stay with their families rather than nursing homes. Still, it does not take away the fact that a lot of them feel lonely. It boils down to little communication, I guess. Working adults and kids go out for most part of the day.
Evelyn,
Welcome to the TLeC community!
I agree that loneliness happens as we get older and do not “run around” as much as we did when we were younger. All the more reason why it is important for adult children and grandchildren to make the extra effort to visit their Golden Oldies.
[…] you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know I’m a huge proponent of intergenerational visits with our Golden Oldies. The Orlando Sentinel recently ran a story about an intergenerational event […]