Children Always Welcome Here

When I was a teenager I resented my parents’ expectation that I would visit my grandparents nearly every weekend.  Although I loved them dearly, I found it uncomfortable when I’d walk into the main living room of the “Senior Citizens Hotel” in Rockaway Beach where they lived, because many of the other residents would watch my every move, listen to every word I said, or just stare at me! (Precisely what a self-conscious teenager wants.)

I didn’t understand why they did this until I became a family caregiver and visited my aging parents in their various living arrangements; first, independently in a seniors-only community, then in two large, assisted living faciilities, and finally in two small board and care houses.

I’ve observed firsthand that residents of assisted living and board and care facilities rarely get to see anyone younger than middle-aged adults around them!  The caregivers may be young (in their 20′s or 30′s), but the majority of the visiting doctors, nurses, lab technicians, activity directors, cooks, janitors and entertainers are the same age or older than the residents’ own adult children.  These living situations do not reflect the real world demographics the seniors have lived in all of their lives.

Yes, some Golden Oldies have grandchildren, great-grandchildren, neighbors’ or friends’ children who visit them occasionally.  But for the most part they do not see nor have the chance to interact with children on a daily or even weekly basis.  So, all of those years when I thought I was just visiting my grandparents, I was also bringing a slice of teenage life to many other Golden Oldies who resided with them.  No wonder they stared at me like I was from another planet!

My Mom’s great-great nephew, M, age 8 months, and some other family members came to visit her at her board and care cottage two months ago.  I was thrilled to see the oldest (age 98) and youngest members of our famliy meet for the very first time!  An unexpected bonus was that M was the center of attention for ALL of the residents during this visit with Mom and our family.  He very happily played on the living room floor while the other ladies present watched his every move and ate him up with their eyes!   And even this week, the caregivers were showing new visitors M’s handprint that was outlined in the Guest Book just for fun on the day he visited.

So if you know any children, from infants up to and including college-aged kids, who can take time to visit some Golden Oldies, please encourage them to do so.  And if you can arrange for intergenerational visits to happen on a regular basis, that’s even better!  Some churches and temples have an “Adopt a Grandparent” program for children to participate in, where groups of children visit board and care homes to talk with the residents on a monthly basis.  A little visit goes a long way.

There is another thing that, while being hard for me to fathom, I’ve personally observed.  Some Golden Oldies don’t have visits from their adult children once they are settled in their assisted living facility!  A very sad fact of life.  The children take care of their parents’ physical and financial needs, but are just “too busy” to visit regularly.  Perhaps they’ll come on a birthday or holiday, but sometimes not even then.  Since I became aware of this, I’ve made it a point to spend time talking with every resident I come into contact with when I visit my mother — just in case this senior is one who falls into the “No Visitors” category.  Sometimes I can’t do more than greet them warmly hello and goodbye due to schedules or logistics, but whenever I can I have conversations with any Golden Oldies who cross my path.  It pains me to think how lonely they might be!

And what if your aging parents live independently, but in a neighborhood with no young families to give them some intergenerational fun?

If you can’t rustle up some children to visit your parents, then take your parents to places where children are likely to be.  For example, my Mom and I go out “for a stroll” in her wheelchair to a local park in the afternoons (weather permitting).  She just loves to watch the children playing in the playground, as well as the many dogs being walked there.  Another suggestion would be to take your parents to a play, concert or sporting event at the local high school or junior high school.  The admission price is usually reasonable and I’m sure they would enjoy watching whatever activity the children participate in.  Go to a bowling alley, miniature golf course or an arcade, sit on a bench and just watch the children if your parent doesn’t want to (or can’t) partake in the activity. 

All is takes to make these intergenerational visits happen is a little planning and time.  No one deserves it more than our aging parents.  And the children will begin to understand why we call them our Golden Oldies.

 

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