Tender Loving Eldercare» Visiting

3 Ways Family Caregivers Can Maximize Their Energy

Linda Abbit — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 09:00:09 +0000

I read a very interesting guest blog post last week by Mike Davenport on the Men with Pens blog. It wasn’t written for the eldercare industry, but his ideas are excellent tools for family caregivers to put into their bag of tricks and use regularly.

Mike makes a distinction between time management vs. energy management. Most of us focus on time management in order to be most efficient each day. But he believes we should focus on personal energy management instead, and I agree completely.

Think Like a Power Company

Mike draws an analogy between everyday people and executives running a power company:

Imagine you’re a power company executive. Your top three concerns (if you want your company to succeed) producing, storing, and delivering. If you don’t manage those concerns properly, your customers demand energy…

… and you can’t provide.

… You need to make sure you produce, store and can deliver energy on demand.

As family caregivers, isn’t that always our goal? To have enough energy to fulfill our care recipients’ needs throughout the day, and often into the night.

Producing and storing personal energy is accomplished easily by most of us through eating well, sleeping well and getting enough sleep. It’s the third part of energy management that needs our attention, according to Mike.

Where we often fail is at the third concern, delivering energy when we need it. And this can have a big impact on the quality of our work. Thankfully, our bodies are great at delivering energy.

We just suck at scheduling those deliveries.

Three Ways to Maximize Your Personal Energy

Continuing with the analogy of being power company executives in charge of delivering energy:

Schedule deliveries around peak times. Think about when you have the most energy during the day. In the morning upon awakening, late morning, afternoon or evening? Really sit down and think about how you feel at various times of the day. For example, I know I’m a morning person, but my husband is more efficient accomplishing things late at night when there are less distractions. Once you figure out your optimal times, schedule your most difficult caregiving duties at those higher energy periods.

Use good fuel. As Mike puts it: ”Loading up on caffeine and sugar when you need an energy boost does perhaps give you a quick jolt. But it’s lousy-quality energy and is usually short-lived, followed by a not-so-pleasant crash. . . . Eat good quality food for fuel. Especially because there’ll be a time when you need that fuel – and it usually comes when you least expect it.”

Plan for unexpected demands. Like power companies, family caregivers need to plan ahead for times demands will be placed on your energy that you didn’t expect. For example, what if it’s the part of the day when your energy is lower, but your loved one needs some help? Mike says in this instance to give yourself a “special delivery” of energy:

Try a quick cat nap or a power snooze, say 10 to 20 minutes before you plan to start working. A little exercise, like a five-minute walk, might help boost your juice. Try two yoga moves to a good tune.

All these activities spark your power and produce a special delivery of energy for you to use.

But of course, special deliveries cost extra. You generally only have enough energy to get you through the day, so a special delivery of it means you’ll pay the price.

That price is usually a little bit less energy later on.

And an Additional Power Grid to Draw Upon

Let’s add an important piece to this analogy from an eldercare perspective. As family caregivers we also need to take into consideration the care recipient’s own power reserves in planning our days together.

For example, if you know your loved one is more tired in the afternoon after lunch, don’t schedule doctors’ appointments then if possible. Try your best to schedule challenging trips or caregiving duties during the times when your maximum energy and their’s coincide during the day. That may not always be possible to do, but if you can make it happen, do so.

Synergy is a great tool, and two people functioning with their peak energy times in sync are bound to create better results and more win-win accomplishments!

Have you used energy management as a caregiving tool before? Have you determined when your peak energy occurs during the day? When your care recipient’s energy peaks? Please share your experience in the comments below.

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Photo Credit: pandrcutts’ photostream on flickr.com

How to Remove Pets from an Aging Parent’s Home

Linda Abbit — Wed, 04 May 2011 20:46:23 +0000

A reader wrote this comment to a prior post here. Because her question is a challenge many families face while caring for their “Golden Oldies” (aka aging parents or relatives), I’ve gotten permission to publish it along with my answer below:

. . . I need some advice. I fully believe that pets are beneficial and theraputical for our ‘Golden Oldies’, but what do you do when they can no longer care for their beloved pets due to dimentia and the like? I’m asking this because my grandmother lives for her two dogs. However, she is entering the beginning stages of dimentia and can no longer care for them properly. Family is there daily to help her out, but her house is a mess because she doesn’t feel safe taking them outside. What if you can’t afford pet sitter services, but are tired of cleaning the mess yourself? I’ve thought of trying an easier pet such as fish, but how do you explain why you are taking her dogs away? Help! ~ Cilla

There are both practical and emotional aspects of your question, Cilla.

Options for the Dogs

An in-depth post with options for rescuing your grandmother’s dogs can be found by clicking this link, but a brief summary of the suggestions are:

The absolute best option for everyone involved is for a family member, friend or neighbor to adopt her dogs. By doing so, your grandmother can still visit her pets and/or have them visit her. It will also give her peace of mind knowing her pets are in good homes with people that love them.

If the dogs are a specific breed, I would search online (Google.com is your friend) for local animal rescue groups for that breed. Or ask your veterinarian for a referral. Another alternative is to find a “no kill” animal shelter to take them to. Ask the Humane Society in your area for referrals to rescue groups and appropriate shelters. Some veterinarians may know of other families who want to adopt pets.

“How do you explain why you are taking her dogs away?”

This is tricky. And I must preface this advice with the fact that I don’t know exactly how much memory loss your grandmother has, so my advice will have to be my best guess from the brief description you wrote.

I would try taking away one dog at a time. You can tell her initially the dog’s at the vet for a checkup, and see if she even notices the one dog missing. Depending on her degree of memory loss, she may not even miss the dog. (A family member should be with her that day or check in frequently by phone to assess her awareness.) But depending how much she notices the dog’s absence and/or asks about the dog repeatedly later in the day, you can (a) either bring the dog back that evening, or (b) you can delay the return of the dog and tell her the dog will be back from the vet as soon as the checkup is done, because the vet took longer than expected or some such thing. We call this “ethical fibbing.” While we aren’t telling the truth to grandma, we’re telling a small white lie so as not to hurt her. If this first transition goes well, a week later, I would take the second dog away, repeating the vet “ethical fib” story over again.

Although she is attached to her dogs, her dementia may have advanced to the point where they will be “out of sight, out of mind.” It may not be necessary to tell her at all that you’ve taken her dogs away, since her memory is already to the point that she’s forgetting to care for them adequately. If you can’t take them away now, as a family I’d come up with a care schedule for the dogs — who will feed, walk, and bathe them on a rotating basis, until such time as they can be removed from her home. Create a calendar to send to all family members involved so there are no missed days by accident. Some dementia can be progressive, and unfortunately your grandmother may reach the stage when she won’t be aware of the dog(s) absence. Sad but a definite possibility.

Don’t make a “big deal” of the reasons for the transition to another home. You don’t want your grandmother to feel ashamed or guilty that she can’t care for them by herself any longer. It is the disease that is causing her lack of pet care, and it is not something she has any control over. Please do not make her feel guilty, even as you continue to clean up the mess for the zillionth time. Bee matter-of-fact about what needs to be done for the dogs, rather than emotional. Use the words, “Grandma, I’m giving the dogs their food and water,” rather than, “Grandma, you forgot to feed the dogs again!!!!” She will pick up her cues on how to feel about the situation based on how you (or your family) respond to it. Stay calm and pleasant with Grandma, as hard as that might be at times.

Don’t introduce a new pet to her home, unless you personally are willing to care for it 100%. I like your idea of providing a substitute pet for her dogs, but what I recommend is buying her a gift of two stuffed animals that resemble her dogs (in either color or size) even before you begin the whole removal process. I’ve seen women with Alzheimer’s disease and dementia happily cuddling stuffed animals and even baby dolls as if they were real. It’s instinctual bonding, and can quite possibly fulfill your grandmother’s desire to nurture.

“. . . she doesn’t feel safe taking them outside”

This statement raises some red flags for me.

It makes me think, “Is she paranoid?” If she hasn’t been to her regular doctor for a complete checkup recently, I would do that immediately. Be sure you let the doctor’s office know when you make the appointment about your grandmother’s memory loss and ask for a comprehensive examination. He or she may also refer you to a neurologist after their initial examination and diagnosis.

Please be sure to have a family member accompany your grandmother to all of her doctor’s appointments from now on, so you can tell them about her real physical and mental condition, as well as hear what he or she tells your grandmother, because she will likely forget what was said by both parties by the time she gets home.

If your grandmother is having trouble caring for her pets, can she still care for herself? Is she safe living alone? Is she still driving? Start a discussion with your family about these questions and come up with an action plan now (even before it is needed) as to where she will live when she can’t live alone any longer. Thinking ahead, learning about local resources and being prepared for the next step is an essential part of caregiving.

Cilla, she is so very lucky to have a granddaughter who cares so much about her welfare! I hope these ideas help your grandmother, her dogs and your whole family. Thank you for giving me permission to publish your question here for all to learn from.

Have any of you gone through this challenge with your loved ones and their pets? How did you make the necessary transition with the least amount of resistance by your Golden Oldies? All comments are welcome below.

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Photo Credit: Creative Commons normanack’s photostream

Sorry Charlie Sheen, This is What #Winning Looks Like

Linda Abbit — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 02:13:35 +0000

I’m very proud and happy to announce that my article, “Daily Activities for Late Stage Alzheimer’s Disease Patients,” has been selected as the winning entry in The Great Alzheimer’s Blogging Competition run by The Disabled Shop Blog!

These are the flattering comments the judge wrote about my post:

An excellent blog – Linda identified a need for more information about caring for someone with dementia in the later stages and answered that need with a compassionate and revealing blog. It strikes a great balance between practical advice, realism and a touching personal account of how dementia fundamentally affects a person. This is a brilliant post.

Please also take time to read the other contest entries while you’re over at The Disabled Shop Blog. They each share different and important perspectives about this horrible disease.

My greatest wish is that a cure will be found soon so that no more families have to live with this progressive and debilitating disease.

Shameless Plug :-)

Please remember you can hire me to write for your blog, business or organization. Click on the Writing & Editing Services link above for further info. Thanks!

Daily Activities for Late Stage Alzheimer’s Disease Patients

Linda Abbit — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 00:35:29 +0000

[This post is an entry for the Alzheimer's Research Blogging Competition at The Disabled Blog Shop. The deadline to enter is March 31, 2011 so there's still time to get your entry in. Please read how to enter here. You can help raise awareness of this horrible disease plus raise money for a great cause. Let's work together to find a cure!]

A Little Background

My mother lived with Alzheimer’s disease (AD) for over ten years. In the early stages, I was a long-distance caregiver, mainly providing information and support for my father who was her primary caregiver. As time passed and the disease progressed, I provided more hands-on assistance for both of them, and then became her sole family caregiver after my father passed away in 2005.

There is much written about how to interact with Alzheimer’s patients in the early and middle stages, but it’s more difficult to find information for caregiving in the later stage of the disease when the patients’ abilities have severely declined. I “winged it” in some ways as my mom reached the late stage, relying mainly on my instincts and what I thought I would like done if I was in her shoes as an AD patient.

Some think that because a patient’s abilities to think, remember and even speak decline greatly, there is no longer a “real person” in there looking out. I never agreed with that perspective and continued to operate as if my mom was a full participant in our activities. Even if she didn’t remember the activity minutes after she experienced it, I chose to believe that while she was immersed in it, it created a better quality of life for her. I realize that some would say I’m an eternal optimist, but a whole lot of good and very little (if any) harm comes from this thinking and the resulting actions.

Our “Activities To Do” List

I observed my mom’s abilities (or lack thereof) carefully, and also relied on what I knew her interests and hobbies were during her lifetime to create quality times we could share together. Here are some of the things I did with my mother while she was in the late stages of Alzheimer’s disease:

Nature Walks. I took her for walks to the park in her wheelchair when the weather allowed. She couldn’t walk or speak, but as I pushed her around the park near her home, I could see her eyes taking in all the surroundings. The sunshine on her face and body, seeing the tress and flowers, watching the children play on the swings and playground equipment — each of these sensory experiences would bring a definite, albeit passing, smile to her face. She’d always had a “green thumb” and could make anything grow, so I believe the park with its seasonal changes was an environment she definitely enjoyed.

Arts and crafts. OK, she really couldn’t do even the most basic arts and crafts projects in the late stages of Alzheimer’s disease, so I would do them for her. While I was creating a collage from magazine clippings, felt, buttons and other odds & ends, she would watch attentively, often reaching out to hold the raw materials I would be working with. {Note: I was always on guard to make sure none of these materials ended up in her mouth!}. When I would draw or color, she held on to a crayon or marker. She couldn’t use it, but she would still grasp it in her hand as she sat next to me at the kitchen table. She was a Girl Scout leader who did arts and crafts projects with our troop and at home with me, loved oil painting, all needle crafts and was a fabulous seamstress, too!

Magazines and Photo Albums. My mom was always an avid photographer; not in the professional sense, but as a recorder of family events, trips, and special times of our lives. So I would plop a family photo album in her lap and she would slowly look through and turn the pages, often stroking the photos lightly. I would talk at her (since holding a two-way conversation was impossible) about the people and scenes before her, even if she didn’t remember who the people were. You may think I’m dreaming, but I truly believe she was taking in my words and absorbing the images before her. The same activity prevailed with magazines I’d bring — “Better Homes & Gardens” and “Woman’s Day” were always her favorites, before and after she was diagnosed. Decorating and antique hunting were other life-long hobbies of hers, and those magazines may have somehow been fulfilling that which she could no longer do.

Story time. She instilled a love of reading in me from early on, and I read to her until close to her last day on earth. I think she cherished the books I’d share with her. Even when she couldn’t read the words, she still enjoyed the photographs and illustrations in books. I bought an over-sized coffee table book filled with huge, detailed photographs of flowers that she looked at until the book fell apart. I also read to her like she did to me. And when her comprehension of what I was reading disappeared, I switched to children’s books, such as “Horton Hatches the Egg” by Dr. Seuss, “Caps for Sale” by Esphyr Slobodkina and “Goodnight Moon” by Margaret Wise Brown. Sometimes she’d look at me with an amused expression that seemed to say, “Why are you reading this little kid’s book to me?” But then she’d fix her eyes on the pages and never closed the book nor stopped me from reading it to her.

Music. I know my parents both loved music! We had a piano in our home, they took me to Broadway musicals starting when I was in elementary school, and they often had records playing to sing along with. Again, we were not close to being music professionals, but I knew music was valued highly in our family. I would bring CD’s over to play for her based on what holiday was coming up or around a theme, such as patriotic songs, Big Band music or favorite musicals. We’d listen and I’d sing along. Her eyes would simply sparkle during music sessions together. I would also sing lullabies to her that she had sung to me as a child.

I believe in my heart of hearts that she got joy from the various activities we’d “do together,” and the quality of both of our lives was vastly improved by sharing them — even if they felt somewhat one-directional on my part at times. I wouldn’t have missed these experiences for anything!

If your parent, friend or relative has AD or dementia of any kind, why don’t you try the above ideas or variations on them? Or, come up with different activities based on your unique knowledge of your loved one’s level of functioning and interests.

Take-aways from my Story

Being a family caregiver has heartache in it, but also love-filled and special moments if you keep your eyes and mind open to the possibilities. Please don’t think that because a loved one’s abilities decline as a result of Alzheimer’s disease or dementia they can’t continue living a life filled with sensory richness and beauty each and every day!

Notice Decline in Your Aging Parents? Action Steps, Part 2

Linda Abbit — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 17:30:09 +0000

This is Part 2 in a series.

Please click here for Part 1 for more action steps and suggestions.

With the holidays and your family visits completed, if you noticed signs of physical or cognitive decline in your aging parents or other relatives, don’t panic! Here are excellent resources to turn to for help in answering the question, “Now what do I do?!”

Contact these resources for help online, by phone or in person:

Your local church or synagogue.

Administration on Aging

1-202-619-0724

Eldercare Locator

1-800-677-1116

Your doctor(s) or local hospitals and inquire about geriatricians and/or if there is a Geriatric Assessment Center near where you or your Golden Oldies (aka aging parents) live.

If there is any memory loss whatsoever, contact the Alzheimer’s Association. Your care recipient need not have an Alzheimer’s diagnosis in order to utilize their extensive resources. Patients and families with all types of memory loss are welcome. 24/7 Helpline: 1-800-272-3900

Dial 2-1-1 or go to 211Connects on the web, a community connection resource and part of the Alliance of Information & Referral Services (AIRS). [Available in 78% of the United States.]

Veteran’s Administration

1-800-827-1000

Medicare

1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227)
24 hours, 7 days a week, including some federal holidays.

Hire a qualified eldercare consultant or geriatric case manager.

Do you have any other resources you’ve used and can add to this list? Please do so in the Comments section below.

Notice Decline in Your Aging Parents? Action Steps — Part 1

Linda Abbit — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 09:00:57 +0000

In a recent post I provided a checklist to use in assessing your aging parents’ daily living situations while spending time together during the holidays. If you noticed signs of decline in either their physical or cognitive abilities, what steps can adult children take next? Here are some do’s and don’ts.

Don’t Feel Guilty

Don’t feel anger or guilt that you didn’t notice the decline sooner. This applies to you whether you live out of town or nearby. It’s difficult to acknowledge decline in those we love! As you start your caregiving journey, an important thing to remember is don’t be hard on yourself — starting now.

And now that you are aware their decline, don’t ignore it. Delaying your research, education and response to it too long could lead to harder and more complex decisions later.

Don’t Try to “Fix Them” Right Away

My generation, the baby boomers, are especially well-known for jumping in and trying to fix things when they’re broken. Issues that come with aging are not subject to quick fixes in many cases. It’s wise to become educated about what you see as disturbing, but hold off on making changes immediately (unless it is life-threatening), or even talking with your aging parents about the issues, until you do the following.

Research Potential Reasons For the Changes

Think carefully and logically about what might have caused the decline in your Golden Oldies. Try not to jump to conclusions and think the worst. For example, if they are experiencing dementia or some type of memory loss, there can be many things causing it, and it does not mean they have a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease. Possible causes of memory problems can include thyroid problems, vitamin deficiencies, medication side effects and certain infections. Memory loss symptoms may improve when the underlying cause is treated.

Start your research by consulting their doctor(s) and/or other medical professionals. Call them and voice your concerns about what you see happening to your Golden Oldies and ak if they have insight into what could be the causes and what they recommend.

Don’t Go to Extremes

A Golden Oldie may be having some health or other aging issues at the moment, but that doesn’t mean they should immediately leave their long-established, comfortable home and move to a totally new environment. Perhaps they need in-home help with housekeeping and meal preparation only. Or they really don’t want to drive or pay their bills any longer. It may be easy to find family members to help in these areas or hire a non-medical companion as a first step. Don’t leap three steps ahead, when one baby step will do.

Have a Family Meeting

Even before you approach your Golden Oldies, have a talk with everyone concerned about their welfare. Use your judgment about whether to invite your aging parents to attend or not. It may be easier for participants to speak honestly and openly if your parents are not present at the initial meeting.

More Action Steps to Come

In an upcoming post, I will provide more ideas and resources for responding to any decline evident in your aging parents. In the meantime, start your research and education as outlined above. [Note: If you feel the decline in your aging parents could possibly be a serious health problem or life-threatening, contact the proper medical professional immediately. These are meant to be general guidelines and not to replace medical and/or legal advice.]

Please feel free as always to add your suggestions in the Comments section below.

Photo Credit: Enderst07′s photostream

Holidays with Your Aging Parents: Don’t Miss These Warning Signs

Linda Abbit — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 19:06:04 +0000

With the holidays rapidly approaching, many adult children will have extended visits with their aging parents (or Golden Oldies as I prefer to call them.) These visits provide an excellent opportunity to watch for signs of possible decline in your Golden Oldies’ physical and/or cognitive abilities.

Below is a checklist to use when visiting your aging parents (or relatives) during the holiday season. This list can also be used by adult children who live close to their parents, but who may not spend time with them on a regular basis. It’s an all-year-round checklist.

Personal Care and Hygiene

Are they bathed and well-groomed?

Hair cut, washed and styled?

Fingernails clean?

Teeth brushed and breath smelling good?

Are their clothes well-maintained or are there stains or tears? Are they wearing the same clothes several days in a row? Do their clothes fit properly?

Physical Checkpoints

Has there been any unusual weight loss or gain?

Are they eating healthy meals or have their eating habits changed?

Check if their hearing and vision abilities are the same.

Are they moving as well as before? Is their gait regular? Do they seem weak or off balance when they walk? Are they holding on to furniture or walls as they move around their home?

Do they seem less energetic?

How are they sleeping? Have their sleep habits changed? Are they sleeping more or less than in previous years?

Do they have bruising or swollen legs, ankles or feet?

Do they need help dressing, bathing, or using the toilet?

Are they taking their medications as prescribed? Are they clear on what the medications are for and what the required dosages are? Have they kept up with refills as needed?

Psychological Components

Do they seem to you like the Mom and Dad you remember or does something seem different or “off?” Listen to your instincts.

Are they repeating stories or questions? Are they forgetful?

Are they crying or getting angry more easily? Are they fearful of things that didn’t worry them before?

Have they lost interest in activities and/or hobbies they used to enjoy?

Are they staying home more and limiting social engagements?

Do you notice signs of increased alcohol use?

Environment

How is their driving? (Do a “ride along” to check on it!) Do their reflexes seem slower? Have they gotten lost going to familiar places? Have they stopped driving at night?

Are there new dents or dings in the car or garage? Can they explain where they came from?

Does the house look and smell clean? Are the linens fresh? Is the “deep cleaning” being done to the house?

Is the yard tidy and well-groomed?

Are pets and/or house plants being taken care of adequately?

Are the refrigerator, pantry, counter tops and cupboards clean?

Is the food old or expired? Check the dates on the milk, cottage cheese, etc.

Has food been left out on the counter that should have been refrigerated?

Is the house cluttered? Are garbage and trash accumulating?

Is the mail piling up and not opened? Are newspapers being read and discarded in a timely manner?

What Next?

Thoroughly enjoy the holidays and the precious time with your aging parents and relatives. Use this time together as a subtle “reconnaissance mission” and subtly observe them and makes notes to yourself (writing them down later, not in front of them) about any concerns you see or suspect. Unless you walk into life-threatening health or medical situations, Thanksgiving, Christmas or Hanukkah are not the time to “fix” anything. Keep the mood pleasant and create happy family memories.

While any of the warning signs above could mean your Golden Oldies are declining and not coping with daily living as well as before, they may or may not be serious. Some things could be corrected easily. Some assessment is needed before you jump in and try to make changes that either aren’t needed or aren’t welcomed by your aging parents. Do your best to hold off saying or doing anything and enjoy the holiday season together. Making memories is important, too.

In a future post, I’ll address what you can do next if you notice changes have occurred in your Golden Oldies.

Can you think of anything I’ve overlooked that can be added to this checklist? I’d appreciate it if you write it in the Comment section below.

Do You Have Patience with Your Aging Parents?

Linda Abbit — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 09:00:13 +0000

Slow down, you move too fast.

You got to make the morning last.

Just kicking down the cobble stones.

Looking for fun and feelin’ groovy.

~ Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel

Lately I’m more aware than ever of how fast our society moves, and how we are living at an ever-accelerating pace. People want and expect instant action, access and/or results in so many realms of life!

We eat at fast food restaurants. We buy ready-made food at the market. We watch movies at home “on demand.” We drive 70 mph on freeways and pay tolls electronically via “FastTrack” devices. TV news broadcasts nearly always start with “Breaking News.” At Disneyland, the “happiest place on earth,” we purchase a “Fast Pass” to avoid waiting in long lines. Immediacy and speed define our world.

We can be reached by phone, whether home or away — and now even in foreign countries. Cell phones allow us to be forever connected . . . and the people who are calling us are asking for a fast response back. If they reach an answering machine at our home or office, instead of leaving a message, they’ll call our cell phone — if they even called our land line to begin with. And if leaving a phone message won’t suffice, they’ll then attempt to reach us by text, email, or Facebook chat — thanks to iPhones, Blackberries and other PDA’s. Immediate connections rule.

I fear as a society we are losing an important character trait called “patience.”

In business the same frenetic rules apply. People have learned many companies are reachable 24/7 thanks to the internet, and customers expect answers to their questions or problems as soon as possible. A business person recently told me they answer all customer queries within 24 hours — and this is in an industry that is not “life or death” by any means!

As these business owners stay in constant contact with their customers, they are thereby training these customers to expect instant replies from other businesses as well, and not to be satisfied if they don’t get them. An ever-increasing cycle of higher expectations and faster responses grows.

How does all of this relate to being a family caregiver?

As caregivers we need to realize our aging parents (aka Golden Oldies) don’t live in a world ruled by this accelerated pace of life. While they may use computers or cell phones (although many don’t), they aren’t tied to them, and the instant gratification gained by using technology, in the same way baby boomers, Gen X, Gen Y and the millenial generations are.

As family caregivers, we need to be mindful of this and adjust accordingly when caring for or even just visiting our aging parents. We must embrace the character trait of patience when we’re with them, caring for them and during our interactions with them. It is necessary to shift into a lower gear when entering their world. It is unkind, and creates tension in our relationships with them, if we try to force them to function in our much faster moving world.

It really won’t be harmful to our health to slow down for a day, or even for just a few hours, when spending quality time with them. Enjoy slipping into their world — where you can still find phones with cords, analog clocks, an AM/FM radio and TV’s that are large boxes that don’t hang on the living room wall. Shut your cell phone off for a few hours when you’re together and enjoy the peace it affords.

Don’t expect your aging parents to move at a fast pace, eat quickly, or even think as fast as we have become accustomed to doing. We need to s-l-o-w down and embrace the easier, more gentle pace they live in when we’re around them. It gives us caregivers time to “stop and smell the roses.” Yes, the amount of time we spend with them is important, but also how we spend that time together also counts.

Nike’s “Just Do It” slogan doesn’t cut it by Golden Oldie standards. For their generation this is what mattered: taking the time to make a decision, weighing the options, figuring out the best, most efficient and probably the most economical way to accomplish something. Despite the fast-paced lives we lead, a slow and deliberate approach is still a good alternative to just doing it.

“We say we waste time, but that is impossible. We waste ourselves.”

~ Alice Bloch

Embrace the opportunity to relax and decompress with your Golden Oldies — don’t avoid it. They give you the time and space to do so when you’re with them — they are experts at it, so learn from them. It gives you time to re-charge your batteries before heading back out into the ever-accelerating, fast-paced world we live in.

And whatever you do, don’t make them speed up — ain’t gonna happen! Meet them in their world, appreciate and honor it.

You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by; but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by.

~ James Matthew Barrie

I’d love to get your thoughts on having patience in the comment section below. For starters, do you or don’t you?

When Aging Parents Can No Longer Care for their Pets

Linda Abbit — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 09:00:12 +0000

In a previous post I wrote about the many advantages senior citizens (or Golden Oldies as I prefer to call them) gain from pet ownership.

My local paper published a story last week about two dogs currently up for adoption who were owned by an elderly gentleman. Reading it made me recognize another aspect of seniors and pet ownership I had not thought deeply about before.

Even if our Golden Oldies are physically and mentally fit now, who will care for their pet(s) if they become ill, require a hospital stay, or have to leave their homes completely and move into a care facility? What if their pets outlive them?

Pet Care Alternatives

Planning ahead is always important when it comes to eldercare — including decisions about their pets. Talking about the various options in advance, and not in the midst of an emergency, will help your Golden Oldies figure out logically what their choices are and what they would prefer to see happen. With the decisions already in hand, it will be easier for them (and/or for you) to implement the necessary changes.

You and your parents might want to write their wishes in a document (signed and dated) once they are decided upon. Even though it isn’t an official legally-binding document such as a will, at least their desires for their pets’ care will be clear and more easily executed when need be.

Short Term Care Options

During a brief illness or a short-term hospital stay, seniors would probably prefer a family member, neighbor or friend to care for their pet(s). Identify who they would like them to be, and also designate one or two back up people just in case the first choice isn’t available for some unforeseen circumstance. Ask the designated individuals or families in advance if they can, and would be willing to, take on this responsibility. Also ask if they would or could consider caring for the pets if your aging parents’ hospital stay is lengthier than anticipated. Prepare a resource list of the pets’ daily routines, favorite foods (and treats), exercise needs, medical records, any medications they take and the veterinarians’ contact information.

A More Permanent Change

If your Golden Oldie reaches the point where they have to leave their home and move into assisted living or a nursing home, you will want to talk with them well in advance about these possible options:

Identify and visit care facilities that allow residents to bring their pets with them Happily more and more senior residences are offering this option, which is a win-win for everyone involved. Not having to leave a beloved pet behind would be a huge factor in creating a happier and easier transition to a new home for your Golden Oldie.

A family member, friend or neighbor adopting their pet permanently. With this solution, the pet can still visit their Golden Oldie on a regular basis.

Ask the veterinarian for contact information for local animal rescue, pet assistance organizations, or the Humane Society to find their pet a new loving home. One online resource is Pets911.com (1-888-PETS-911), whose mission is to give “easy access to all the local pet information necessary to instill responsible pet ownership and overcome the issue of animal homelessness.”

Pets and their owners have strong bonds. It’s perfectly understandable why we’d like to avoid facing these decisions or even having these talks with our Golden Oldies. But by being proactive, it will make their lives less stressful in the long run. Their pets will also be very glad you did.

Are there other pet arrangements that you and your Golden Oldies came up with?

Have you thought about these questions before?

Have you and your aging parents had any discussions yet on this topic? How did it go?

Let’s discuss in the Comment section below.

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A New Meaning for the Words “Senior Prom”

Linda Abbit — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 14:25:56 +0000

If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know I’m a huge proponent of intergenerational visits with our Golden Oldies. The Orlando Sentinel recently ran a story about an intergenerational event I think simply takes the cake — a senior prom held at an assisted living community, Summerville at Oak Park, and attended by “couples” made up of senior citizens from there and high school seniors from East Ridge and Ocoee High Schools in Florida.

Terri Glimcher, activities director at Oak Park, said the senior prom came about through “Bridging the Generations,” a program she started four years ago to bring together seniors and students from local schools.

I don’t want to give away all the details, which you can read here, but suffice it to say the prom was well planned and came with all the trimmings. It had a Chinese New Year theme, a multigenerational Prom King and Queen, and loads of dancing! The ages of the participants ranged from 17 to 96, according to the article.

Glimcher explained, “A lot of these folks never attended a senior prom . . . . It was during the Depression. They only had . . . shoes, food and necessities. . . . It was a big part of growing up that they missed.”

If your Golden Oldies live in an assisted living community, wouldn’t it be great to organize an event like this for them to participate in? What an incredible bonding experience it would be, as well as creatiing wonderful memories for all involved. Once these bonds are formed, it could lead to even more activities to continue “Bridging the Generations” as Glimcher’s program accomplishes so well. I urge you to read all about this cool senior prom in the original article.

What do you think about this idea? Have you participated in an intergenerational event like this? Please share it in our comment section below. (If you’d like quick instructions on how to leave a comment, click here.)

Update: Terri Glimcher has written here about “Behind the Scenes at the Senior Prom” including several photos. The anecdotes about the evening brought tears to my eyes! Enjoy!