Last year my friend, Bob Watson, mentioned in passing that his 85-year-old mother made a tandem parachute jump for the first time in her life.  I was fascinated and inspired by this brave act because, based on what I’ve observed, as people age they often become more cautious in their actions.   Geraldine Watson is a great example of someone who can inspire us all to live our lives to the fullest every day.

Her tandem jump also made me wonder whether people are born daredevils, or do their life experiences lead them to a “devil-may-care” way of thinking. After reading my interview with Geraldine, what do you think — are daredevils born or made?  Do you know any seniors (or Golden Oldies as I prefer to call them) who’ve retained a fearless attitude as they’ve aged?

TLeC: When and where did you jump?

Geraldine: It was in San Diego from a company called Skydive San Diego, on May 16, 2011, on what would have been my 58th wedding anniversary.   It was a Mother’s Day gift from my children.  It was on my bucket list.  When I saw Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman jump out of a plane in the movie, The Bucket List, I figured if they could do it, why couldn’t I?

So you started a bucket list after seeing the movie.  Is it actually written down or just in your head?

In my head.

The jump was from 13,000 feet, is that correct?

Actually the jump was 10,500 feet. But then I found out you could go for 13,000 so I said I will go for the 13,000 feet. I think I paid $65 extra.  If you’re going up, do it right.

Were you worried or nervous at all? 

I wasn’t scared at all.

Absolutely not. I mean it didn’t even occur to me.  I was enjoying the ride in the plane. I was enjoying it all. I don’t know if in the video you could see my lips. I was talking constantly.

How much instruction do they give you beforehand?

Oh, the instruction is for the birds. Here I am listening very intently, so I’m not going to miss anything.  It was like sitting there for 12 minutes, something like that. I thought it was a waste of time.  I felt like, “Let’s get on with the show.” And there was so much noise and people were yakking around and coming and going.  They should have it in a quiet room and they didn’t have a person talking to you. You were watching .  . .  just the video. That’s all the instruction was, just the video.

What did you wear for the jump — a flight suit of some kind? A helmet?

If you don’t want to wear the suit, you don’t have to.  You can go in your shorts if you wanted to. But I said, “No, no, no. I want to wear the suit.”  And you wear a pair of goggles over your glasses.

They do not tell you to remove your jewelry.  But  Bob told me a week ahead of time, “Don’t wear your jewelry.” And I said I wouldn’t wear any.

I wore jeans as I recall and then I wore a hoodie, a sweatshirt.  When you’re up 13,000 feet, it’s cold!

What did you think about when you were going up on the plane? When you landed? What thoughts went through your head? Or were you just taking it all in? 

I wanted to go. I wanted to experience the thrill of a lifetime and I wanted to show my husband, Bob, I could do it.  And I wanted to wish him a happy anniversary! When I landed I laughed and went, “Happy anniversary, Bob!”

I think he was there with you.

Yes. I know it.

Were you able to talk to JC, the instructor you jumped with? Were you able to talk? Was there a walkie-talkie or anything to help you hear him?

No. But I remember I said to him in the plane,”My brother told me to yell, ‘Geronimo!’ to shout, ‘Geronimo!’ when I step out. So don’t let me forget.”

And they did say, “Face the camera, face the videographer. So, hold your head up.  And I’m going to push you out.” (laughs)  I’m not going to fool around with turning my head and look at the videographer!

A split second or two passed and finally I said, “Geronimo!” and I wasn’t sure so I said, “Geronimo!” again and, of course, it was too late to get it on the video.

How fast were you going?

Up to 120 miles per hour.  And when you’re going down – and I didn’t know that we were going to go around and around and around so that was really cool.  I think we went clockwise.  And all of a sudden, the parachute opens . . .  And you zoom up!  That was the best part!  Yes, it’s like you could – you’re touching the hand of God. That’s exactly what it felt like to me.

From the video, it looked like a really clear sunny day. What did you see?

It was a beautiful, sunny day. It was the best day I could have chosen and it felt like I was just floating. Not going fast at all.

Wow! Is it like being on an airplane?  You know you’re going really fast but it feels really slow when you’re on a plane and you’re on the inside looking out. You know in your mind though that the plane is going super fast.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. You’re out there in the air. You’re going like a bat out of out of hell.  Your hair is blowing like crazy.  I didn’t care.

What do you see? Do you see the coast? Do you see the ocean? The mountains?

I could hear JC saying to me, “Over there,” and he would point out the sites, like he said, “Tijuana.” Well, I didn’t care what’s over there . . . it was all beautiful! He’s shouting in my ear. We didn’t have earphones or anything. He’s shouting right here . . . His head is right here next to mine.

Was it  a weird feeling to have somebody attached to you or you being attached to somebody? Did it feel strange?

No. I didn’t even notice it.  Actually it was kind of nice because he’s protecting me.

Did they attach you to JC in the plane? When you first get on the plane? Is that where you get attached?

Let’s see. When do they do that? No, you’re walking to the plane and then you sit down and he attaches to you before you take off.

And you’re sitting in the seat like this. And he’s behind me.  And then he just shoves the seat up and he says, “OK, we’re going to go.”

How long is the whole experience? How long were you in the air?

I think the jump was eight minutes. That’s what I’m told. I just enjoyed the whole ride.

Would you do it again?

I definitely would do it again, but I would rather use that money to go to Paris or make day trips with the Senior Travelers or go out to dinner a couple of times. There are other things that I haven’t done. Other places I haven’t been.

On to the next thing?

Yes, that’s the way I feel.

Below is a video taken by her son, Bob, of Gerri heading off to the plane.  

If you have any trouble viewing it, please click here.

So were you always a daredevil, Geraldine?  Were you a risk taker all through your life?

if there was a chance to do anything crazy, I would do it.  But nothing like this, never had the opportunity . . . .

When I was a kid, I can remember . . . This is crazy. I can imagine I would kill somebody if they did it to me.

We lived on a street – it’s a little town, 4,000 population at that time. Cars used to go back and forth in front of our house all the time. We were right there, just a sidewalk between the street and our house and I would have to cross the street to go to school and go uptown.

And I can remember very, very clearly when there was a car coming and I deliberately would run across the street as close as possible in front of the car coming.  I was eight or ten years old at the time.

I was a brat, I guess. I can imagine what that must have done to the driver, but I didn’t mean to be mean. I just wanted to see how close I could get.

If somebody did that to me when I was driving, I’d stop the car, pick up that kid, take him home and say to the parents,  “Do something about your child.”

I think I’m very much like one of my older brothers. There’s a 13-month difference and Gene used to do crazy things.

Do you have any other stories about being a daredevil you’d like to share?

When I was about eight, we had a rope swing and I guess we had a plank of wood for the seat, the kids. We all made it. We hung it on a branch of the tree in the backyard and we used to swing on that thing and go as high as we could, or I could anyway. So that we were almost level. It was almost level.

If you went any higher, you would go completely overhead.

Did you ever do that — go all the way over?

No, but I went as high as I could possibly go though without flipping over or falling off.

In those days it was a large family and it was Depression time. And the world was at war. It was pre-war for us and things were tough. My father pinched pennies. And so we didn’t have toys.

We made our own fun. We were dirt-poor but we didn’t know it because we were happy.

Anything else you want to add, Geraldine?

I certainly suggest if you’re adventurous, to do it.

Thank you, Gerri. This was great fun hearing all about your adventure.  You are definitely braver than I am!  Thanks for inspiring all of us to get out there and embrace life to the fullest!

No related posts.

The very wise Seth Godin recently posted this on his blog:

When did you get old?

Here is a visual of what he’s talking about:

If you can’t see this video in your browser, click here.

So tell me . . . are you feeling old now?

Related posts:

1. Inspiring Quotes for Caregivers: Merry Christmas and Happy 2011
2. Inspiring Quotes for Caregivers — 4/22/09: Trading Places
3. Inspiring Quotes for Caregivers: On Starting Again — 10/13/10

Slow down, you move too fast.

You got to make the morning last.

Just kicking down the cobble stones.

Looking for fun and feelin’ groovy.

~  Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel

Lately I’m more aware than ever of how fast our society moves, and how we are living at an ever-accelerating pace.  People want and expect instant action, access and/or results in so many realms of life!

We eat at fast food restaurants.  We buy ready-made food at the market.  We watch movies at home “on demand.”  We drive 70 mph on freeways and pay tolls electronically via “FastTrack” devices.  TV news broadcasts nearly always start with “Breaking News.”  At Disneyland, the “happiest place on earth,” we purchase a “Fast Pass” to avoid waiting in long lines.  Immediacy and speed define our world.

We can be reached by phone, whether home or away — and now even in foreign countries.  Cell phones allow us to be forever connected . . . and the people who are calling us are asking for a fast response back.   If they reach an answering machine at our home or office, instead of leaving a message, they’ll call our cell phone — if they even called our land line to begin with.   And if leaving a phone message won’t suffice,  they’ll then attempt to reach us by text, email, or Facebook chat — thanks to iPhones, Blackberries and other PDA’s.  Immediate connections rule.

I fear as a society we are losing an important character trait called “patience.”

In business the same frenetic rules apply.  People have learned many companies are reachable 24/7 thanks to the internet, and customers expect answers to their questions or problems as soon as possible. A business person recently told me they answer all customer queries within 24 hours — and this is in an industry that is not “life or death” by any means!

As these business owners stay in constant contact with their customers, they are thereby training these customers to expect instant replies from other businesses as well, and not to be satisfied if they don’t get them.  An ever-increasing cycle of higher expectations and faster responses grows.

How does all of this relate to being a family caregiver?

As caregivers we need to realize our aging parents (aka Golden Oldies) don’t live in a world ruled by this accelerated pace of life.  While they may use computers or cell phones (although many don’t), they aren’t tied to them, and the instant gratification gained by using technology, in the same way baby boomers, Gen X, Gen Y and the millenial generations are.

As family caregivers, we need to be mindful of this and adjust accordingly when caring for or even just visiting our aging parents.  We must embrace the character trait of patience when we’re with them, caring for them and during our interactions with them.  It is necessary to shift into a lower gear when entering their world.  It is unkind, and creates tension in our relationships with them, if we try to force them to function in our much faster moving world.

It really won’t be harmful to our health to slow down for a day, or even for just a few hours, when spending quality time with them.  Enjoy slipping into their world  — where you can still find phones with cords, analog clocks, an AM/FM radio and TV’s that are large boxes that don’t hang on the living room wall.  Shut your cell phone off for a few hours when you’re together and enjoy the peace it affords.

Don’t expect your aging parents to move at a fast pace, eat quickly, or even think as  fast as we have become accustomed to doing.  We need to s-l-o-w down and embrace the easier, more gentle pace they live in when we’re around them. It gives us caregivers time to “stop and smell the roses.”  Yes, the amount of time we spend with them is important, but also how we spend that time together also counts.

Nike’s “Just Do It” slogan doesn’t cut it by Golden Oldie standards.  For their generation this is what mattered:  taking the time to make a decision, weighing the options, figuring out the best, most efficient and probably the most economical way to accomplish something.  Despite the fast-paced lives we lead, a slow and deliberate approach is still a good alternative to just doing it.

“We say we waste time, but that is impossible. We waste ourselves.”

~ Alice Bloch

Embrace the opportunity to relax and decompress with your Golden Oldies — don’t  avoid it.  They give you the time and space to do so when you’re with them — they are experts at it, so learn from them.    It gives you time to re-charge your batteries before heading back out into the  ever-accelerating, fast-paced world we live in.

And whatever you do, don’t make them speed up — ain’t gonna happen! Meet them in their world, appreciate and honor it.

You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by; but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by.

~ James Matthew Barrie

I’d love to get your thoughts on having patience in the comment section below.  For starters, do you or don’t you?

Related posts:

1. Tips for When Aging Parents Say Mean Things
2. A Lesson on Positive Thinking for Pessimistic Aging Parents

Please watch at least the first two minutes of the following inspiring video.

The quality of the film isn’t super sharp, but the message is clear as a bell!

If you have trouble viewing the above, please click here.

When I dance, I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole.  That is why I dance.

~ Hans Bos

And if dancing isn’t your “thing,” what activity, interest or pastime in your life provides you with the utter joy and sense of accomplishment this Golden Oldie has found through dancing?  Once you’ve identified it, make time to indulge in whatever that activity is, both to simply pamper yourself and to forget about the stress and strains of everyday life for awhile.  You deserve it!!

P.S.  In researching this video, I’ve read reports that the woman is either in her 80′s or 90′s.  Her exact age doesn’t matter, as this proves that age is truly just a number.  She is young in heart and spirit, not to mention flexibility!

Please feel free to share whatever your diversion is in the comment section below.  Mine is also dancing — but a different kind called Lindy Hop or Swing Dancing.

Related posts:

1. Inspiring Quotes for Caregivers — 3/18/09
2. Inspiring Quotes for Caregivers — 2/18/09
3. Inspiring Quotes for Caregivers — 10/28/09

OK.  Maybe the doctors are right about how good exercise is for you.

Ruth Frith was the oldest female athlete participating in the World Masters Games in Sydney earlier this month.  Not only did she win the gold medal in the shot put competition, but she also set a new world record with her 13 feet, 4.2 inches throw (4.07 meters).

Did I mention Ruth is 100 years old?!

The great-grandmother of 11 is also a hammer and javelin thrower and believes other seniors should follow her example.

Frith trains five days a week, regularly lifting 35 kg (77 lb.) weights.  She doesn’t drink or smoke and she doesn’t eat vegetables either, claiming she hasn’t liked them since she was young.

Frith was one star of the World Masters Games — an event which attracts about 28,000 athletes — and despite her age, said she has no plans to retire just yet. She competed in her first World Masters Athletics Championships at the age of 74.

The oldest male competitor was Reg Trewin, age 101, who competed in lawn bowling.  And Ralph Howard, the gold medal winner in rowing, is 91 and has been rowing for 75 years!

The World Masters Games have been held every four years since they began in Toronto in 1985.  Open to people of all abilities and most ages, the games are the world’s largest multi-sport event, attracting twice as many competitors than the Olympic Games, according to the website (www.2009WorldMasters.com).

The main difference between the World Masters Games and the Olympic Games is that World Masters are open to people of all abilities rather than just elite athletes, with the emphasis on participation. I love the Games motto:  “Fit, Fun and Forever Young.”

My hat’s off to Ruth Frith, a Gold medal winning Golden Oldie!

Does this inspire you to exercise more . . . or to at least begin an exercise program?  To take up a new sport?

Do you think it would inspire the Golden Oldies in your life to exercise or be more physically active in some way if you share this story with them?  Please comment below.

Related posts:

1. Olive Riley, World’s Oldest Blogger, Dies at Age 108
2. Are They Aging Parents or Golden Oldies?
3. My Golden Oldies: Aunt Rose and Uncle Arthur

My Mom, Aida Ennis Brodsky, lived 99 years, 9 months and 27 days.  She would have turned 100 years old on Saturday, July 4th.

In loving memory of this wonderful woman, I’ve decided to publish the eulogies my husband and I read at her funeral service in May.  Thank you for allowing me to share them with you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The definition of the word “lady” in the dictionary reads “a woman of refinement and gentle manners,” and those words describe my Mom perfectly.

The dictionary says being a woman of refinement means she is “free from impurities.” My Mom Aida was very soft-spoken and I never heard her yell, curse or even come close to doing either.   Her refinement was also evident in her poise, her un-hurried manner and her outer beauty.  She had lovely thick hair (dark brown and then a pretty “white owl” gray), sparkling brown eyes and smooth, soft skin.  Even into her 90′s her skin was relatively free of wrinkles, thanks to the religious use of Ponds cold cream, her favorite beauty aid.

She was gentle and pure from the inside out; ever classy, full of kindness, and always, always polite.  She was truly the epitome of a lady in every way.  Even in her final years, when Alzheimer’s disease robbed her of her ability to speak more than a few words, the one phrase her caregiver, Regina, told me she’d say to whomever was helping her was “Thank you!” She was simply amazing.

As my Aunt Eleanor, my Mom’s sister-in-law, remarked to me this week on the phone, my Mom had “an eye for quality. It was instinctual.”  She could go into any consignment shop and find the special antique treasures amidst all the tchachkees [Yiddish for knick-knacks]. When I was a child we spent hours together in her favorite little consignment shop called “Gems and Junk,” because antiquing was one of her great joys in life.

Her deep love and constant devotion to her family was paramount above all else.  During a trip back to his alma mater, my Dad, Al, spotted her in the hallways of Bushwick High School.  Her family didn’t own a phone in the mid-1920′s, so he wrote her a letter of introduction and asked her out.  The rest is history.  They were married in 1928 and celebrated their 76^th wedding anniversary before my Dad passed away in 2005.  An enduring marriage like that is so very rare, especially these days.  We are blessed to have had them as a role model.

They stood by each other through the good times and the harder times.  When my Dad had triple bypass surgery at age 84, my mom quickly gave up her outside-the-home hobbies and activities to stay by his side and watch over him for not just months, but years.  I have a picture of her in my mind standing by his chair in the living room in Florida lovingly stroking his head as he watched TV in his favorite easy chair.  They were truly soul mates and I take some comfort in knowing their spirits are now reunited for eternity.

Growing up we always had family get-togethers – Brodsky “family circle meetings” in our basement, birthday parties, New Year’s Eve parties, and bar-b-ques in the backyard in Malverne.  Almost every weekend included visits with some of my many aunts, uncles, cousins or family friends.  And it was an extra special time when Mom’s California family came all the way to NY to visit!  My mom was my first example of what a family caregiver does as we’d visit her father, my Grandpa Kiva in Brooklyn and later Far Rockaway, to check on him, help him, and bring him home-cooked rotisserie chicken several times a month.

I was born when she was 45 years old and they had already been married for 25 years!!  Think about that for a moment.  Most of us here are at least 45 now – can you imagine the overnight culture shock they must have gone through when I suddenly came along?!  They gave me a charmed life full of only the best, yet they were always cautious about not spoiling me. My mom would often say, at the times she was most proud of me, “I don’t want to say too much because I’m afraid of giving you a swelled head.”

As I was growing up, we had loads of fun together as a mother-daughter team.  She was a Girl Scout co-leader for several troops I was in; we collected coins and stamps together; she taught me the basics of knitting, crocheting, cross-stitch and embroidery.  She was a fabulous seamstress, but that trait I didn’t pick up on, much to her chagrin.  In fact, she saved me from a failing grade in Home Economics when I burned a hole ironing a yellow a-line dress I had just sewn for a final project.  She quickly designed and helped me sew a yoke over the burned spot to cover up my blunder in time to turn it in the next morning!  She took me to ballet lessons, made me take piano lessons, came to all of my dance, chorus and piano recitals, and also cheered me on while I was a cheerleader in high school!  No girl could ask for a more involved and supportive Mom.

At age 80, she became a Grandma for the first time!  Robbie, I’m sure she would say it was definitely worth the wait.  When we’d visit them in Florida, she was so proud as she showed Robbie off to her friends and neighbors.  I would tease her about the “Shrine to Robbie” she made on the wall above the kitchen table.  It was a collage of Robbie pictures – some in frames, some just taped to the wall — skip the frames, just get them up there! And speaking of photos, she loved taking pictures ever since I could remember.  She was great about taking her camera with her everywhere — capturing many family events, people and scenery on various trips.  It wasn’t about doing photography with the latest and greatest camera as a hobby; it was her way of capturing family history in the making.  And we have tons of photo albums to prove it.

One other quality I observed in my mom was her strength, both mental and physical.  Her parents were Russian immigrants and everyone in their family knew you had to work hard to get somewhere in America.  The children were sent to public school to learn English because Yiddish was spoken at home.  After graduating from high school she was a legal secretary and stenographer for about 25 years, and then became a full time stay-at-home mom.  Yes, she got to fully engage in both roles and didn’t have to juggle these commitments simultaneously as modern women do. She and my Dad were already married at the time of the stock market crash, the Depression and World War II.  When my Dad was drafted, my Mom kept Amalite, his tool manufacturing business, going successfully for the years he was in the Army.  She oversaw the office and the factory, all the while thinking constantly about her husband fighting a war overseas.

While waiting through the one year period for my adoption to become final, my mom worried so much that she developed very bad colitis.  Her weight went down to about 85 lbs., and the doctor said she had to have major surgery if she was going to survive.  She had the surgery, but then had to adjust to using a medical device for the rest of her life.  This very difficult experience would test anyone’s mettle, and she showed great courage in facing this harsh reality head on.

Aside from that ordeal, she was physically very healthy the rest of her life.  She only had two other relatively minor surgeries.  I have to marvel that at age 99, the only medicine she needed was thyroid pills, which she took along with her daily vitamins. We should all be so lucky!

Most sadly, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in about 1998 and had to live for over ten years as her long and short term memories were slowly destroyed and her brain processing further deteriorated step by step. No one should have to experience this type of continuous decline, and no family should have to witness it.  I pray they find a cure for this horrible disease soon.

But through all of the challenges my Mom faced, I don’t remember ever hearing her complain!  She always told me we have to “roll with the punches,” and she taught me this repeatedly by the way she lived her life.

You will live forever in our hearts.  I love you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeff’s Eulogy

Okay, I’ll confess. I started writing my thoughts about Aida back when she was just a young girl . . . you know . . . around 87 years old.

Aida was truly a sweet and caring lady with dignity and class.  She was pleasant.  She didn’t nag. And she never made you feel guilty.  That’s right…the ideal mother-in-law!

And thank God I liked her since she decided to hang around for 99 years!!

Of course, Aida had her amusing little quirks, too.

If she showed you one of her many vacation photo albums, you wouldn’t see scenic pictures of the coastline. You wouldn’t see photographs of Linda’s dad standing next to a famous statue. Instead, you’d see photo after photo of the paintings that were hanging in each of their hotel rooms.

During one of my last visits with Aida, it was a typical scene: her lying in bed, me holding her hand and trying to be lighthearted while getting a blank stare in return.

Yes, the same one most of you give me when I think I’m being funny.

As I was leaving her room, I stood in the doorway and blew her a kiss. She looked at me and in a clear voice, she said ‘Thank you.’

And that’s from a person that most of us would think was completely tuned out due to the nasty effects of the late stages of Alzheimer’s disease.

But I learned a valuable lesson . . .

None of us can know what a person can really see, hear, comprehend or feel no matter what condition they are in.

I would get frustrated at times watching Linda break down or be depressed after a not-so-pleasant visit with Aida. I thought Linda was wasting her time talking to her mom who seemed to be out of it.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I truly believe that the reason Linda’s mom lived as long as she did was because of the endless love and unselfish caring Linda showed her time after time after time.

Aida is so special that while others light candles for their birthdays, every year the nation lights fireworks in honor of her birthday.  Yes, she was born on the 4^th of July.

So this July and every July, when the sky is filled with beautiful fireworks lighting up the sky, take a moment to think of Linda’s dear mom, Aida. After all, being the wonderful person she was, always made the world a brighter place.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Fourth of July weekend to my wonderful TLeC community!

Related posts:

1. My Mom Turns 99 Years Old on July 4th!

On Wednesdays at TLeC I usually provide inspiring quotes, photos and/or stories for caregivers.  Today for a change of pace, I am presenting words of wisdom about aging from a 90 year old man to share with your pessimistic aging parents.  Because along with caregivers, our senior citizens (or Golden Oldies as I prefer to call them) need some uplifting thoughts to hang on to as well.

Rabbi Joshua O. Haberman delivered a candid speech in April 2009 about the pros and cons of being 90.  For starters, when a friend asked him, “How do you feel being 90?”  He replied, “Very surprised!”

Here is my summary (quoting heavily from Rabbi Haberman’s talk) giving his six reasons to look at aging in a positive way:

• First you gain tranquility.  All the important decisions have been made in earlier years. . . . I have walked the walk, had my failures and successes.  All the pressures have eased.  I am more relaxed than ever.

• Your passion cools or the doctrine of insignificance. If a matter is not truly significant or important, don’t fret, don’t worry and don’t get yourself worked up.  Ignore it!  We get less frantic, less pushy in advanced age. . . . the experience of a long life teaches us that not all problems can be solved; and certainly, not by ourselves . . . All we can do is endure.

• The third gain is ‘the art of submission.’ There are passages in life you cannot control . . . let go, accept the unalterable. . . . change your attitude. Stop fighting. Accept what must be; and strangely, this kind of surrender to the unchangeable is conducive to peace of mind.

• The fourth gift harvested in old age is liberation from the compulsion or urge of setting everyone else straight. I am no longer looking to win every argument.  The intensity of your conviction is no proof that you are right. More often than before, it occurs to me that I might be wrong, that I don’t have all the answers. I have learned to listen more and talk less.

• The fifth dividend of old age is greater appreciation and gratitude. I have become more attentive to old and new friends. More often than before I keep in touch with old friends and reach out to new, especially,  younger people. . . . Giving thanks is the most effective and harmless mood-changer — the best antidote to cynicism and pessimism. . . . I appreciate far more each day, each hour, every bit of new knowledge and every moment with people I care for.

• The sixth and most important gain is more involvement with three generations of my family — children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Best of all is my love affair with a married woman — Maxine, my wife; and, my severest critic and yet, unfailing support in almost sixty-five years of marriage.

In a previous post about communicating with negative-thinking seniors I raise this point:

After they’ve vented about their list of complaints, immediately say to them, “Now tell me something positive.” Some aging parents don’t know how negative they’ve become. At first they will be astonished at your request, but by repeatedly giving them this gentle reminder, they may realize they don’t want to be such negative people and start to be more positive — at least around you!

So if your parents can’t think of something positive to share, you can now hand them this article to jump start their thinking on the benefits of growing older. 

If you or your Golden Oldies have other benefits of aging to share, please add a comment below. The how-to’s for leaving comments are given here.

Outside Resources:

The New York Times, The New Old Age Blog, by Paula Span, June 22, 2009

The Dilemmas of Aging by Rabbi Joshua O. Haberman, April 3, 2009

Related posts:

1. Family Caregivers Communication Class — Part 3: Dealing with Pessimistic Aging Parents
2. Are They Aging Parents or Golden Oldies?
3. Tips for When Aging Parents Say Mean Things

I have been away for a few weeks because my dear Aunt Rose passed away on March 28th, 2009 at age 95 in her home in New York City.  Uncle Arthur, her husband and soul mate, predeceased her in 1994.  While I was away for only four days, the trip took me back decades in our family history and I’ve been steeped in this “time trip” since my return.  They were an extraordinary couple and I’d like to share some thoughts about them with you.

As a youngster, I thought Rose and Arthur were quite Bohemian.

Rose was my mom’s sister, 4 years younger than she.  Some of my favorite childhood memories are when Rose and Arthur visited our home on Long Island.  They’d take the train out from New York City, we would meet them at the train station and walk back to our house.   I thought it so unusual that they didn’t drive a car.

Every time I would see Uncle Arthur, he’d say to me, “Linda, say Happy Birthday, Uncle Arthur!”  I would usually giggle and say “Today’s not your birthday!”  Indeed, I knew exactly when his birthday was. Then he would smile a Cheshire grin and reply, “Every day’s my birthday.”  What a powerful life lesson he was teaching me — and before I could even understand it.

Uncle Arthur could also wiggle his ears — not using his hands!  That would have me in gales of laughter as I’d demand, “Do it again!  Again!.”  They almost always came to spend Christmas Day with us and would bring a box of ribbon candy for me as a treat.  (I still don’t know if that was the only time of year it was available in NYC or if that’s just when they brought it.)   In the summer, he would enjoy sunbathing in our backyard during their visits — Uncle Arthur was a huge sun worshiper his entire life.  He always wore bikini bathing suits — even before Speedos were in vogue for men to wear as far as I know. Aunt Rose and my mom would enjoy the garden while Uncle Arthur soaked up rays.

They were both lifelong New Yorkers, living in Manhattan all of their lives.  For many years they lived in a very tiny studio apartment in Greenwich village and then in the 1980′s upgraded to a one bedroom cooperative apartment in the same neighborhood, where they lived the remainder of their years.  They didn’t own a television set until some time after they moved, which was highly unusual during the great Age of Television.

Both of these homes were decorated with unusual plates, statues, and other beautiful artwork from their travels around the world.  While they both had successful careers in accounting and office management, their real passion was traveling.  One cruise alone took them on a 3 month journey around the world, and I understand their travels took them around the world a total of seven times!  Cruising was their pleasure (the Sagafjord was their favorite ship), and it was only in later years they deigned to fly, and I suspect it was because it was the only way to reach destinations they still wanted to see.

Uncle Arthur made silver jewelry as a hobby.  Aunt Rose was a jewelry maker and dress designer extraordinaire in her free time, and sewed beautiful evening dresses, especially sari’s, to wear to the many Captain’s Dinners they were invited to while cruising.  He loved opera, and they had season tickets to the Metropolitan Opera for many years.  When I was in high school, Aunt Rose stayed home one evening and I was Uncle Arthur’s escort to the opera.  He had me listen to the music in advance and told me the story so I could follow it.  I totally enjoyed the Metropolitan experience that evening, but sheepishly admitted to him later on that opera wasn’t my favorite musical genre.

As I grew older, I realized that Rose and Arthur were not Bohemian at all, but actually conservative citizens.

To illustrate I’ll share one memorable evening we had together in San Francisco.  They had been on a cruise that ended there, and a friend and I met them at the pier, took them to their hotel and had dinner with them that evening.  My friend, young and idealistic in his 20′s, was dissing our country for something or other, and Uncle Arthur went on a rant (he was nearly yelling at us) about how much poverty, disease and horrible things they’d seen in so many other countries,  the United States was the best country in the world and we’d better not ever forget that fact!  Yikes! I haven’t forgotten it, Uncle Arthur.

Dancing was another passion of theirs (which I’m happy to say I’ve inherited) and they were excellent at it.  Aunt Rose told me how the ladies would line up to dance with Arthur, and she was proud to say they were more skilled than some of the dance teachers on the ships.  Another favorite moment in my mind’s eye is of them dancing together at my wedding, he in a white dinner jacket, she in a pink brocade evening dress and matching jacket.

While the photograph above doesn’t show it, Aunt Rose wore her hair in a beautiful, perfectly formed bun near the top of her head for most of her life.  After Uncle Arthur died, she cut her hair short and had it permed.  I never realized she wore it that way for him all of those years!  She also loved going to museums and reading the Wall Street Journal daily.

Aunt Rose was Uncle Arthur’s nurse during his battle with throat cancer, which he lost in 1994.  After that she didn’t travel to exotic places any longer, but did make trips to Florida and California to visit her two brothers, her sister and their families.  I believe her last trip was to attend my son’s bar mitzvah in 2002.  How very lucky we were to have her there!

Their Legacy to Me

Rose and Arthur instilled in me a love of travel, art and dancing.  I will continue incorporating these three things in my life, and our son’s as well.

Their relationship was a true romance story, and their ever-lasting love and devotion is a wonderful model for everyone to aspire to. (So far so good, as my husband and I are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary tomorrow.)

And I promise to live every day as if it’s my birthday!

I’ll close by signing off the same way I always would in my letters to them –

Aunt Rose and Uncle Arthur, I love you and miss you TONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________________________

Photo Credit: E. Antonovsky, N.Y. — circa 1940

Related posts:

1. Are They Aging Parents or Golden Oldies?
2. My Golden Oldies National Tour

If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know I’m a huge proponent of intergenerational visits with our Golden Oldies. The Orlando Sentinel recently ran a story about an intergenerational event I think simply takes the cake — a senior prom held at an assisted living community, Summerville at Oak Park, and attended by “couples” made up of senior citizens from there and high school seniors from East Ridge and Ocoee High Schools in Florida.

Terri Glimcher, activities director at Oak Park, said the senior prom came about through “Bridging the Generations,” a program she started four years ago to bring together seniors and students from local schools.

I don’t want to give away all the details, which you can read here, but suffice it to say the prom was well planned and came with all the trimmings. It had a Chinese New Year theme, a multigenerational Prom King and Queen, and loads of dancing! The ages of the participants ranged from 17 to 96, according to the article.

Glimcher explained, “A lot of these folks never attended a senior prom . . . . It was during the Depression. They only had . . . shoes, food and necessities. . . . It was a big part of growing up that they missed.”

If your Golden Oldies live in an assisted living community, wouldn’t it be great to organize an event like this for them to participate in? What an incredible bonding experience it would be, as well as creatiing wonderful memories for all involved. Once these bonds are formed, it could lead to even more activities to continue “Bridging the Generations” as Glimcher’s program accomplishes so well. I urge you to read all about this cool senior prom in the original article.

What do you think about this idea? Have you participated in an intergenerational event like this? Please share it in our comment section below. (If you’d like quick instructions on how to leave a comment, click here.)

Update: Terri Glimcher has written here about “Behind the Scenes at the Senior Prom” including several photos.  The anecdotes about the evening brought tears to my eyes!  Enjoy!

Related posts:

1. Children Always Welcome Here
2. Are They Aging Parents or Golden Oldies?

Olive Riley, known as the world’s oldest blogger, passed away over the weekend at the age of 108, according to the Associated Press and Reuters.  She was a resident of Woy Woy, north of Sydney, Australia, and was born in 1899.  I am pleased to announce that she will be the first inductee into The Golden Oldies Hall of Fame on TenderLovingEldercare.com.

Her blog, The Life of Riley, shared stories of her life in the outback, raising three children on her own, and observations of the world.  She began blogging in February 2007 with the help of a friend who set up the site and who entered posts for her.  Her great-grandson, Darren Stone, of Brisbane told local newspapers, “She enjoyed the notoriety — it kept her mind fresh.”

Here is an excerpt from her final blog post on June 26th, about a week after being moved into a nursing home:

“Penny, who’s in the next bed to mine, had a visit one day this week from her daughter, who’s a professional singer. Guess what happened! She and I sang a happy song, as I do every day, and before long we were joined by several nurses, who sang along too. It was quite a concert!”

Olive Riley is a great example of a senior citizen embracing technology however they can.  And she is a wonderful role model showing us how important it is to be open to change and to keep a positive attitude no matter what our age and life circumstances are!

Upon news of her death, her blog received a flurry of hits and has had some technical difficulties.  You may view her temporary blog, World’s Oldest Blogger, here.

To read the full news story click here.

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