“The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example.”

~ Benjamin Disraeli

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines legacy as “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.”

Perhaps due to the fact that the one year anniversary of my mom’s death is approaching,  I’ve been thinking lately about the various hobbies and interests I have now that come directly from my mom and dad.

My mom shared her love of reading, gardening, antiquing, and Broadway musicals from when I was very young.  She also got me out on the tennis court for the first time when I was a teenager and encouraged me to play this wonderful sport.

Because we were indoors during cold and snowy NY winters, she taught me how to knit, crochet, do needlepoint, cross-stitch and sew.  We also played Scrabble often, and enjoyed coin and stamp collecting together.

My dad gave me my interest in watching sports.  As an only child I was half-son and half-daughter, and he shared his love of sports with me as most men would with a son in those days. We’d spend hours watching games on TV, and he’d take me to a NY Mets double header nearly every summer.

Of course, their legacy to me consists of much more, but I wanted to share this part of it now.

“We were meant to give our lives away. Spend more time living your legacy instead of worrying about leaving it.”

~ Lee J. Colan

What is your parents’ legacy to you?  Please share with us in the comments section below.

P.S.  Technically, a legacy is from an ancestor.  But if your parents are still alive, thank them today for what they’ve already given you!

It is with deep appreciation and honor that I ask you to join me today over at the EldercareABC website.  EldercareABC is a wonderful community for caregivers, created by caregivers, and one that I respect greatly and enjoy visiting.

Mary Nix is a woman whom I interviewed in 2009 about her caregiving experiences, and she has graciously asked me to share my viewpoint about caring for aging parents on her EldercareABC blog.

You can also check out some other posts while you’re there, such as:

• Protection from Financial Elder Abuse

• The Upside to Elderly Home Care

Or subscribe to their RSS feed so you won’t  miss any of the excellent information and resources they provide to caregivers.

The “ABC” in EldercareABC stands for “About Being Connected.”  Thank you to Mary and the EldercareABC Team for giving me the opportunity to connect with you and your readers.  And please continue doing the great work I consistently find there and assisting caregivers in such a supportive way!

The Path

Every caregiver takes the same path I did — from denial . . . to acceptance . . . to overcoming whatever the unique caregiving challenges are.

I have walked in your shoes. You are not alone!

Here are some of my favorite quotes to help you on each part of this journey.

DENIAL

It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

~  Bill Watterson

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.

~ J. Donald Walters

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ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.

~  William James

A wise man adapts himself to circumstances as water shapes itself to the vessel that contains it.

~ Chinese Proverb

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OVERCOMING CHALLENGES

Beginners and outsiders are open to possibilities and don’t make assumptions. By extension, they’re often better at finding solutions the experts have stopped seeing.

~ Michael McMillan

Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition – such as lifting weights – we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.

~ Stephen R. Covey

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Photo Credit:  richardefreeman’s photostream

Last year while I was actively caring for my mom, I attended a special presentation for caregivers at an Alzheimer’s Family Services Center.  The coordinator for the three workshops started off the morning with a brief overview and asked the audience, “How many of you are care partners?”

The audience didn’t respond.

I thought to myself, “What are care partners?”

Then he said, “How many of you are the primary person in charge of caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease?”

Oh, he was talking about me! Then many of us raised our hands.

“Care partner” instead of “caregiver.”

Hmmm. I like the sound of that phrase, and especially what it implies. It gives the patient (or care recipient) so much more power and dignity in the relationship.

I first heard the words “care recipient” several years ago.  I also prefer to use that phrase instead of “patient” which sounds clinical and detached, especially when we’re talking about a loved one we are caring for.

I wonder if the use of the phrases “care partner” and “care recipient” will catch on in our culture and the mainstream media?

Subtle Yet Powerful Distinctions

Some people probably don’t think the words we use matter, but I beg to differ.  The words we say out loud, and even in our own heads, can make a huge difference in how we think and feel about others, ourselves and our actions.  How we behave is influenced by what we’re thinking . . . and words are a direct reflection of our thoughts.

While  on the frontline of caregiving, I heard some nurses use the word “declining” rather than “deteriorating” when describing their care recipient.  A small difference in words, yet clearly a different description.  If they were describing you, or someone you love, which term would you prefer they chose?  One is such a kinder word to use than the other.

My strong belief that words matter also led me to adopt the use of the term “Golden Oldies” when writing or talking about senior citizens.

Some Parting Words . . .

Here is a new phrases I heard recently that I hope leaves you with a smile!

A “silver surfer” is a Golden Oldie who uses the internet!

What do you think about these caregiving words?  Can you add other words or phrases to our discussion here?