I have a guest post up at Silver and Grace for everyone to read.   The article is titled “Graceful Women: You are an Empty Nester when . . . .”  Stop over and check it out!  It’s a reflection about a part of my life I don’t share with my readers here.

Silver and Grace is a site dedicated to guiding women ages forty and older towards graceful and beautiful aging.  Eliza, creator and author of Silver and Grace, describes her goals as three-fold:  sharing knowledge, telling her personal stories, and building a community of like minded women. I think she’s doing a wonderful job on all three!

Please stop by and read my article along with all the other fine writings Eliza has posted there.  Also keep up with the latest at Silver and Grace by subscribing to it here.

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The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.

~ Leo Tolstoy

Dear Caregivers,

Whatever challenges you face in caring for your loved ones today, know that with the passage of time these challenges will change.

The current issues will fade, and there will be a new set of challenges awaiting you to solve . . . or at best, survive.

When you’re feeling like you can no longer persevere, remember you are warriors and time and patience are your allies.  Hang in there!

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Photo Credit:  Nelson Minar’s photostream

“Hospice” is an extremely emotionally-charged word.

It is something we’d prefer never to think about . . .  let alone talk about with loved ones . . . or anyone.

Through personally experiencing and observing hospice care for each of my parents, I slowly overcame my fears about hospice. And looking back now, I feel gratitude for the compassionate and comprehensive services provided by the hospice team for my elderly parents.

Before my first experience with hospice in 2005, these were a few of my preconceived ideas about what hospice meant:

• Putting someone on hospice care means their death is imminent. I was shocked by the suggestion of the board and care administrator that my dad be evaluated for hospice, since he didn’t have a life-threatening physical illness.   Wrong. A person doesn’t have to have cancer or AIDS to go on hospice care.  In order to qualify, a patient must have certification from two physicians that they have less than six months to live if his or her disease runs its natural course.  However, some people live for years while on hospice care. My father was only on hospice for a few months, but my mother received hospice care for slightly over two years.  Hospice services are reviewed every six months and renewed as long as it is medically called for.

• Hospice is a separate place the patient must move to in order to receive care. I thought I would have to move my father from his board and care facility to a another place where hospice care was provided.  I didn’t know exactly what or where it was, but that was my belief.  Wrong. Care can be provided in a patient’s home, hospitals, nursing homes, skilled nursing facilities or board and cares.  Yes, free-standing hospice centers are one alternative, but that is not the only location where a patient can receive end-of-life care.  The board and care my father was living in had a hospice waiver, so he continued living right where he was while receiving hospice care until he passed away.

• Once they’re on hospice, the patient cannot go to a hospital for any medical treatment. On the one hand, a major positive in having a loved one on hospice is that you are preventing the physical and/or mental anguish a hospital visit can create for a senior.  On the other hand, I felt like I was “signing my father’s death certificate” by putting him on hospice.  Wrong. In general, the hospice philosophy is to provide comfort to the patient and not to perform medical treatments to cure an illness.  However, the hospice nurses explained to me that if my father or mother needed to go to the hospital for any reason, I would simply take them off hospice service before they went to the hospital, and then I could re-enroll them for hospice once they came out of the hospital. Hospitalization never occurred while either of my parents were on hospice, but it is an option I didn’t know existed.

• Hospice care is only for the patient. Wrong — very wrong. While the hospice care team is patient-centered, the care extends to the patient’s immediate family, even for up to a year after the loved one’s death. After my father died, the hospice social worker kept in touch with me by phone and mail. The company offered bereavement counseling, support groups and workshops. All of these services are free. I didn’t feel I needed grief counseling from them at first, but as the one-year anniversary of my dad’s death approached, I decided to meet with the social worker that had kept in touch with me. This one-time counseling session helped me get some answers to questions that were weighing on my mind about my dad’s final hours. It was very valuable and helped me move along in the grieving process.

In future posts about the hospice care my parents received, I hope to allay the worries or misconceptions you may have about hospice care. And by sharing more, I hope it will encourage you to consider (and even welcome) hospice care for your aging parents if and when appropriate.

When you hear the word “hospice,” what do you think of?

Do you have other questions about hospice care you’d like me to answer?

Please write them in the comment section below or use the Contact form above to send them to me privately.

If you have trouble viewing this video, click here.

I walk by you today

I did not look away

A story around every corner

The gentle art of hearing

Your truth

Your thinking

Your inner spirit

No different to me

In a previous post I wrote about the many advantages senior citizens (or Golden Oldies as I prefer to call them) gain from pet ownership.

My local paper published a story last week about two dogs currently up for adoption who were owned by an elderly gentleman.  Reading it made me recognize another aspect of seniors and pet ownership I had not thought deeply about before.

Even if our Golden Oldies are physically and mentally fit now, who will care for their pet(s) if they become ill, require a hospital stay, or have to leave their homes completely and move into a care facility?  What if their pets outlive them?

Pet Care Alternatives

Planning ahead is always important when it comes to eldercare — including decisions about their pets.  Talking about the various options in advance, and not in the midst of an emergency, will help your Golden Oldies figure out logically what their choices are and what they would prefer to see happen.  With the decisions already in hand, it will be easier for them (and/or for you) to implement the necessary changes.

You and your parents might want to write their wishes in a document (signed and dated) once they are decided upon.  Even though it isn’t an official legally-binding document such as a will, at least their desires for their pets’ care will be clear and more easily executed when need be.

Short Term Care Options

During a brief  illness or a short-term hospital stay,  seniors  would probably prefer a family member, neighbor or friend to care for their pet(s).  Identify who they would like them to be, and also designate one or two back up people just in case the first choice isn’t available for some unforeseen circumstance.  Ask the designated individuals or families in advance if they can, and would be willing to, take on this responsibility. Also ask if they would or could consider caring for the pets if your aging parents’  hospital stay is lengthier than anticipated. Prepare a resource list of the pets’ daily routines, favorite foods (and treats), exercise needs, medical records, any medications they take and the veterinarians’ contact information.

A More Permanent Change

If your Golden Oldie reaches the point where they have to leave their home and move into assisted living or a nursing home, you will want to talk with them well in advance about these possible options:

• Identify and visit care facilities that allow residents to bring their pets with them  Happily more and more senior residences are offering this option, which is a win-win for everyone involved.  Not having to  leave a beloved pet behind would be a huge factor in creating a happier and easier transition to a new home for your Golden Oldie.

• A family member, friend or neighbor adopting their pet permanently.  With this solution, the pet can still visit their Golden Oldie on a regular basis.

• Ask the veterinarian for contact information for local animal rescue, pet assistance organizations, or the Humane Society to find their pet a new loving home.  One online resource is Pets911.com (1-888-PETS-911), whose mission is to give “easy access to all the local pet information necessary to instill responsible pet ownership and overcome the issue of animal homelessness.”

Pets and their owners have strong bonds.  It’s perfectly understandable why we’d like to avoid facing these decisions or even having these talks with our Golden Oldies.  But by being proactive, it will make their lives less stressful in the long run.  Their pets will also be very glad you did.

Are there other pet arrangements that you and your Golden Oldies came up with?

Have you thought about these  questions before?

Have you and your aging parents had any discussions yet on this topic? How did it go?

Let’s discuss in the Comment section below.

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Photo Credit:  Linda Abbit (c) 2009

A couple of laughs from the male perspective this week.  Enjoy!

If you have trouble viewing this video, click here.

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Two old guys were chatting.

One said to the other, “My 85th birthday was yesterday.  The wife gave me an SUV.”

Other guy says, “Wow, that’s amazing!!  Imagine . . . an SUV!”

“Yup!  Socks, Underwear and Viagra.”

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A sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blonde-haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots.  He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks, “Why in the world are you walking around like this?”

The cowboy says, “Well it’s like this Sheriff . . . I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt . . . so I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants . . . so I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts . . . so I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, “Now go to town cowboy . . . .

And here I am.”

Son of a Gun.  Blonde men do exist!

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To everyone in the TLeC community, have a great weekend!

A Great Dog Story

This story by an unknown author was published on the internet and a dear friend shared it with me.  You’ll like it even if you don’t have a dog, and you may even decide you need one.

I dedicate it to  the many loving caregivers in the world — past, present and future.

Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named ‘Lucky.’ Lucky was a real
character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit
they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because
Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably,
someone would forget and something would come up missing.

Mary or Jim would go to Lucky’s toy box in the basement and there the
treasure would be, amid all of Lucky’s other favorite toys. Lucky
always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular
that his toys stay in the box.

It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told
her she was going to die of this disease . . . in fact, she was just
sure it was fatal.

She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The
night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A
thought struck her . . . what would happen to Lucky? Although the
three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary’s dog through and through.
If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won’t understand
that I didn’t want to leave him. The thought made her sadder than
thinking of her own death.

The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had
anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took
Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just
drooped, whining and miserable.

Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived
home , Mary was so exhausted she couldn’t even make it up the steps to
her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her
to nap. Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn’t come to her when she
called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.

When Mary woke for a second she couldn’t understand what was wrong.
She couldn’t move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic
soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was
covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While
she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the
basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in
life. He had covered her with his love.

Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again,
walking further and further together every day. It’s been 12 years now
and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky? He still steals treasures and
stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.

Remember . . .  live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing
from God. And never forget . . . the people who make a difference in our
lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or
the most awards. They are the ones that care for us!