Take the Older Than Dirt Quiz

Count all the items you really remember — not the ones you were told about.
Scoring is at the bottom of the list.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with table-top juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (OLive 3- 6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S& H green stamps
16. Hi-fi’s
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulbs
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
26. 78 RPM records

If you remembered 0 – 5 = You’re still young
If you remembered 6 – 10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11 – 15 = Don’t tell your age
If you remembered 16 – 26 = You’re older than dirt!

I may be “older than dirt” but these memories are a cherished part of my life. How about you?

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This is my husband’s reply to those who ask him to be their friend on Facebook:

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A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

“You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one,” the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. “The young people of today are much more advanced than people your age. We grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon and the internet. We have cell phones, nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers, automated manufacturing, amazing technologies, and . . .” he paused to take another drink of beer.

The senior took advantage of the break in the student’s litany and said, “You’re right, son. We didn’t have those things when we were young . . . so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little s.o.b., what are YOU doing for the next generation?”

The applause was resounding . . .

I love our Golden Oldies! To everyone in the TLeC community, have a great weekend!

Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.

~ Samuel Ullman

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Photo Credit: basykes’ photostream

There is a question I am asked very often when I tell people my mom has Alzheimer’s disease.

They ask, “Does she know you?”

I don’t know how to answer them. And it is a very hard question for all caregivers of dementia or Alzheimer’s patients to answer.

People ask that particular question because it is the one major fact the general public has heard most about Alzheimer’s disease — eventually the patient may not recognize his or her loved ones. There has been more information about dementia made available in the last ten years due to the work of the Alzheimer’s Association, celebrity spokespeople, books, movies and the mainstream media. For that I am very glad. But this increase in knowledge turns out to be a double-edged sword for me, because it leads to that dreaded question being asked over and over again, “Does she know you?”

It is simply hard (if not impossible) to know if our care recipients with dementia still know who we are. And it’s painful to have to face this possibility every time it is raised.

The Answer Changes Over Time

While she was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, I do believe my mom knew who I was. No worries then.

When she declined into the middle stages of Alzheimer’s disease, I wasn’t sure if she knew who I was. When I’d arrive for a visit, she would respond to my greeting and embrace with smiles, hugs and the appropriate words — “Nice to see you,” for example. But she didn’t use my name in her greetings or conversations. I began to suspect that if any other person came in and greeted her warmly, she would provide them with the same exact friendly response. The replies may have been her good manners and graciousness kicking in.

The question began in my own mind then, “Does she still know me?” You can imagine how painful those thoughts were for me and are for all family caregivers!

After a while I started to greet Mom with, “Hi Mom! It’s Linda,” assuming she’d know who Linda is — after all I’m her only child, her daughter! I thought certainly she would always know the name “Linda” signified me! At least in my heart I wanted to believe she would.

Then one day in the last year, with her now in the late stage of Alzheimer’s, it dawned on me that she really might not know who “Linda” was in her world any longer, as much as I wanted her to. So I changed my greeting to “Hi Mom! It’s Linda, your daughter.” Since she has aphasia and rarely speaks now, I have no way of knowing if adding these words helped or not, but in my heart I still believe when we look into each other’s eyes, she knows who I am.

I guess there will always be some level of denial for me. I don’t want to admit that she doesn’t know who I am. I console myself with the thought that even if she doesn’t know I’m her daughter any longer, hopefully she knows I’m a woman who visits her, spends quality time with her, and cares deeply about her well-being.

When people ask family caregivers if their care recipients know them it is a very hard, and painful, question to try to answer. Yes, people ask out of concern, but honestly it’s better if they don’t ask family caregivers that question at all!

Have you been asked this question? How have you responded? Did you have a hard time answering it? Please share with us in the comment section below.

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Photo Credit: -bast-’s photostream

Last week I wrote a post that included this sentence:

“And we certainly can use more love in this crazy world!”

Later that same day I visited one of my favorite blogs called The Jungle of Life and watched a video that completely brought my words to life!

The video is called “A Game of Hope,” and it’s a story about a high school football game, but so much more! It’s about caring, compassion and adding love to this world, in a most unusual way. It illustrates in a completely different arena (or football field) the type of love caregivers shower on their care recipients . . . and beyond.

This video is about five minutes long. By minute three my eyes were full of tears, and by minute four the tears were dripping down my face.

I think it will be the best five minutes you spend in a long time!

Let me know what you think in the comment section below.

If you have trouble viewing the video, click here.

A huge thank you to Lance fromThe Jungle of Life for sharing this video with the blogosphere and the TLeC community!

Hi Everyone,

I hope you will listen in while I’m being interviewed by Denise Brown of Caregiving.com for her radio show, “Your Caregiving Journey,” on BlogTalkRadio.com this coming Wednesday, February 18th at 8pm CST. Denise and I will talk about my caregiving experiences, past, present and future. I’m very excited and look forward to connecting with you!

The link to listen to the live radio show from your computer is here. You can also ask questions and participate in our discussion by calling (646) 652-4944, or by visiting the show’s chat room here. Hope you can join us!

If you can’t listen live, you can access the archived show later at the links above, and even download the archived interview onto your mp3 player for your listening pleasure when you’re on the go.

I love modern technology!

Photo credit: AleBonvini’s photostream

A debate I hear discussed often amongst family caregivers is the question: Who has it easier as family caregivers — only children or siblings working together as a team?

The Only Child Perspective

As an only child with over ten years of caregiving experience, I want to share my perspective. The best part of being an only child family caregiver is that no one questions what you are doing, nor what money you are spending, nor what decisions you are making about your aging parents’ care — past, present or future.

The down side of being an only child caregiver is that all of the responsibilities and decisions are on your shoulders 24/7. Yes, you may have close friends or relatives you can consult with on certain topics, but ultimately, you are alone in your decision making. You also juggle ALL the roles a family caregiver must take on. You are whom your aging parents or relatives rely on completely for help. You don’t get time off. That can be a very heavy burden for one person to carry.

The Sibling Perspective

From an only child’s point of view, I think it would be advantageous to have siblings to share caregiving with.

Some siblings manage to work beautifully together as a team caring for their Golden Oldies. They each have certain personality strengths and divide the duties accordingly. Or, if one lives closer to their aging parents than the other(s), they take on certain responsibilities while the other sibling(s) take on roles that can be accomplished best from where they live. For example, the closer sibling takes mom or dad to doctors’ appointments, while another sibling living further away is in charge of health insurance claims or on line bill paying (or any duty that is more paperwork intensive).

This arrangement sounds ideal. However, the more I hear siblings talk, the more complaints I hear. Most siblings have a hard time overall working together as caregivers.

Some issues that have been raised by siblings include:

• Siblings aren’t happy with the division of labor involved in caregiving. “He doesn’t do anything, while I have to do so much for mom and dad.”

• Siblings question how their parents’ money is being spent, both now and how it should be managed for the future. “Why did she buy her that new outfit? We need to save Mom’s money for health care costs that she may face.”

• Siblings each have their own unique perspective on what is “best” for their Golden Oldies as they age and it is hard, if not impossible, to come to a consensus on important decisions. “She thinks Dad can still live on his own, but I’m really worried about his safety if he continues living alone in his apartment.”

• Siblings, while on the surface are working together, often take “pot shots” at each other, harking back to older, unresolved issues they had as children. “It’s great how you’re helping mom and dad and I really appreciate it, but I think it’s because you’re the ‘baby’ and have always been tied to their apron strings.” Ouch!!

So, maybe it’s best that I am an only child caregiver after all . . .

Now I Want to Know . . .

Are you a family caregiver living either of these scenarios?

If you’re an only child are you pleased to be the sole caregiver, or do you wish you had siblings to help out?

Are you and your siblings going through these issues presently? Have you been able to work it out and become a caregiving team? How are you dealing with it?

Please share your insights in the comments section below.

Children, ages 5 to 10, were asked questions about what they thought about love and marriage. Here are some of their replies.

Surefire Ways to Make a Person Fall in Love with You

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” Del, age 6

“Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs . . . and don’t worry if their parents are right there.” Manuel, age 8

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” Bart, age 9

“Shake your hips and hope for the best.” Camille, age 9

Why and How People Fall in Love

“One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too.” Andrew, age 6

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” Manuel, age 8

“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” Dave, age 8

“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Kirsten, age 10

How Can You Tell if Two Adults Eating Dinner at a Restaurant Are in Love?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” Bobby, age 9

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold . . . Other people care more about the food.” Bart, age 9

“Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up.” Sarah, age 9

“See if the man has lipstick on his face.” Sandra, age 7

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts are . . . on fire.” Christine, age 9

Kissing

“When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down, and they don’t get up for at least an hour.” Wendy, age 8

“Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody see you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” Kally, age 9

“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you . . . That’s why I stopped doing it.” Tammy, age 10

“If it’s your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it’s a new person, you have to ask permission.” Roger, age 6

“I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn’t always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses.” Gina, age 8

“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” Curt, age 7

“The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It’s the right thing to do.” Howard, age 8

(on seeing a couple kissing) “He is trying to steal her chewing gum!” Boy, age 6

How a Person Learns to Kiss

“You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls.” Julia, age 7

“It might help to watch soap operas all day.” Carin, age 9

“You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the better of you.” Brian, age 7

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Happy Valentine’s Day to my wonderful TLeC community! Be sure to give your loved ones loads of hugs and kisses today and every day!

I am so proud and happy to share this news with you!

I’ve won a “Caregiver of the Year” Award from Caregiving.com!

You can read the criteria Denise Brown (Caregiving.com’s CEO) used to select the winners, along with our stories here. (Once you get to the website, click on the names to read our unique caregiving stories.) I am honored to be one of three winners selected for 2008!

When my dear husband wrote down the many little things I do as a family caregiver in the letter nominating me, he made me sound like someone exceptional. But really, I’m not.

Every caregiver does what I do, and often more!

Every caregiver has the same worries I do . . . and probably more on certain days.

Every caregiver juggles multiple roles.

And every caregiver means the world to their care recipient!

Not every caregiver wins an award like this, but if you know a family caregiver, please tell him or her they are appreciated and that you “get” it.

You get the worrying.

You get the hard work they are doing.

You get the love they’re pouring into their care recipient’s world as well as the greater world at large. (And we certainly can use more love in this crazy world!)

Then take the time to give them some love, caring and recognition back! Believe me, all family caregivers can use it!

Thank you again to Denise Brown and Caregiving.com for this wonderful honor!

And thank you to my sweet husband, Jeff, for “getting” it!

I was tagged on my personal Facebook profile to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about me. I thought it would be fun to do this with my family caregiver hat on and see what I could come up with for you.

But I’d love to take this a step further.

I want to hear 2 (not 25) things about you in the comments section here.

My List of 25 Random Things About Caregiving

1. I’ve been a caregiver for about 11 years. The first two years were long distance.

2. I’ve known Golden Oldies living in many different types of settings: independent senior communities, assisted living facilities, board and care homes, and nursing homes.

3. There are days I’m tired of this role and just don’t want to do it any more.

4. There are many more days when I’m grateful to be in this role and get much fulfillment from it!

5. I’ve made lasting friendships with other residents’ family members wherever my Golden Oldies have lived.

6. I’ve learned there are no perfect caregiving facilities.

7. I’ve learned there are no perfect caregivers, although some professional caregivers I know are definitely angels on this earth!

8. Hospice is a wonderful resource, and not to let the word scare me.

9. It takes a village to be a family caregiver. Some who live in my village and make my caregiving experience easier include doctors, nurses, paid caregivers, hospice workers and volunteers, musician, artist, immediate and extended family, accountant, lawyer, rabbi, and friends.

10. No matter what age they live to, it’s incredibly hard when a parent dies.

11. Music and humor connect all people, no matter what our sex, age or backgrounds are.

12. I’ve learned to do research but also follow my instincts when making caregiving decisions.

13. It’s important to take care of my mental, physical and spiritual health every day.

14. Being a caregiver is teaching me how I want to live when I’m a Golden Oldie.

15. Keeping a positive attitude is vital, but sometimes very hard to do.

16. Sharing photos, old and new, with my Golden Oldies is one of my favorite activities.

17. Family caregivers wear many hats: advocate, bookkeeper, unofficial nurse’s aide, translator, communication specialist, entertainer, chef, financial planner, power of attorney, therapist, chauffeur, and more. Whew — no wonder we get tired!

18. Yoga and dancing are my means of physical exercise and my mental escape hatches, too.

19. No matter what culture we live in, family caregivers are not so different.

20. It doesn’t happen overnight — I grew into being a family caregiver. (And that’s even true when you’re thrust into it due to a medical emergency, such as a broken hip. ) It just takes time to figure out how to do all this stuff! And I’m still learning.

21. I became a caregiver when my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 1998. She is now 99-1/2 and in the late stage of the disease. Dad passed away at age 98 in 2005.

22. Blogging has been an excellent way to share what I’ve learned with people worldwide and to connect with other incredible caregivers and eldercare professionals.

And here are a few random things about me:

23. I love the arts – books, movies, theater, and dance, to name just a few I’m crazy about.

24. I’ve been playing mah jongg once a week with a group of friends in my neighborhood for 12 years now.

25. Traveling the world is my goal. So far I’ve been to a large part of the United States, the Caribbean, Mexico and London (and the outskirts). Got lots more to see here and abroad.

Remember to write 2 things about you in the comments section below. Go!

Some of us watch videos on YouTube.

Some of us read the news on MSNBC or CNN.

My husband often spends his time at PrankPlace.com and Stupid.com. He says these are great places to find novelty items and other useless things we can’t live without. I think these are priceless!

Racing Grannies: http://www.prankplace.com/racinggrannies.htm

Speeding Grandads: http://www.prankplace.com/speedinggrandads.htm

Track-Racing Grannies: http://www.stupid.com/fun/GRNY.html

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To everyone in my TLeC community, have a great weekend!