As it says on my About page, I am a classic member of the Sandwich Generation, and it is time for me to focus on my son. He begins his sophomore year of college in about two weeks and we couldn’t be prouder of him!

Between now and then we will be busy doing all of those fun back-to-school activities together such as: deciding what to take and what to leave home, shopping, laundry, packing, driving over to campus, unpacking, shopping again, furnishing his frat room, more shopping (for snack foods, no doubt), saying our goodbye’s (sniff, sniff), driving back from campus, and missing him terribly (sniff, sniff) until his first visit home.

Since I won’t have time to focus on, research and write new posts, I am also going “back to school” during these next few weeks! I’ll take this opportunity to learn more about the technical, behind-the-scenes aspects of blogging that TenderLovingEldercare.com needs to remain on the cutting edge in the blogosphere.

Many of you have asked about the other slice of bread in my sandwich, my Mom, and I really appreciate your concern! While she declined physically in the weeks following her 99th birthday, she seems to be stable at this new, lower level of functioning. I continue to visit her and the other residents at her board and care nearly every day.

Wish me luck — I hope I get an “A.”

And see you in September!

Photo credit: acidcookie

How the Fight Started

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “Holy Crap! That must be my husband!”

So the guy quickly jumped out of bed. Scared and naked he jumped out of the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, “I AM your husband!”

The woman yelled back, “Yeah, well then, why were you running?”

And that, folks . . . . . . . . is how the fight started.

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Three mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then a grandpa walked by, and one of the grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”

The grandpa said, “There ain’t no way you can guess it, you old fools.” One of the grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.”

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.

The grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!”

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?”

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three ladies happily yelled in unison, “We were at your birthday party yesterday!”

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There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2030 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

To everyone in my TLeC community, have a wonderful weekend!

On Saturday I received an interesting email from Ryan at Inside Assisted Living about an online survey he is conducting on the levels of knowledge, attitudes and preparedness family caregivers have about assisted living. In his words, “this is the only survey of its kind — one that takes a ‘by families, for families’ approach.” (Italics added.)

Who is Ryan?

He is a 36 year old man whose mother had a stroke in 2005 and as a result was thrust into the role of family caregiver overnight. You can read his caregiving story here. I had never heard of Ryan or his blog before, but these words jumped off the page at me:

“While I found much advice on medical conditions and treatment, I found virtually nothing on understanding assisting living. Sure there were some websites that taught you the basics, like “make sure a nurse is on duty” or “make sure the kitchen is clean”. But this is my mom and I wanted far better for her. I wasn’t putting her away, I was giving her assistance.” (Italics added.)

He created his blog to prepare families for the multi-faceted transitions that occur when Golden Oldies move from independent to assisted living. He wants “to share with you some of what I learned in hopes of making it easier for you and your mom, dad, relative or loved one.” Sounds familiar, don’t you think? Of course I wanted to help!

What Can You Do?

Ryan released his Family Attitudes and Preparedness Survey on August 7, 2008 and already has over 130 responses! His goal is to collect several hundred responses over the next 30 days. Ryan will be sending out a report by mid-September with the survey results as a way of thanking those who participate. I took the survey, and it took me exactly 15 minutes to complete — time very well spent in my opinion. Won’t you do the same?

“According to the Coalition to Protect Choice in Senior Living (CPCSL), 84 percent of Americans over the age of 50 expect an immediate family member to move into a senior living community within the next 10 years, while 24 percent over the age of 65 expect the same for themselves.”

This is the link to get more details and/or to take the survey: Family Attitudes and Preparedness Survey

Please take a few minutes to complete the survey and give Ryan a hand. If you aren’t in the demographic he is surveying, perhaps you can forward this request to friends, relatives or colleagues who are.

Ryan, welcome to the TLeC community!

And thanks in advance from Ryan and myself!

Warmly,

Linda

This is Part 2 of a 2-part series.

Click here to read Part 1.

Previously I shared one of my pet peeves about senior citizens living in assisted living or board and care facilities. I believe way too much time is spent watching TV news shows that might create fears, or exacerbate pre-existing ones, that our Golden Oldies have about the world outside their doorstep.

What Can We Co to Improve This Situation?

• Reduce the amount of TV viewing overall. Talk with the facility’s administration about your concerns and request they provide different activities in place of TV viewing. Some residential care facilities offer arts and crafts, musical sing-a-longs, chair exercise and outings to local stores or restaurants. Some have a pet therapist come visit with their gentle dogs. Clergy can visit and lead religious discussions or short services. In some places community volunteers come weekly to read to the residents, listen to music, or be an extra set of hands for whatever activity they find going on when they arrive.

• During visits with family members, turn off the TV and engage your Golden Oldies and their co-residents in conversation or other social activities. The residents are usually thrilled to have 1:1 conversations with all visitors. (You will probably hear words of wisdom being spoken, so keep your radar tuned in!) Puzzles (pre-K or Kindergarten level) and simple games (such as tangrams) are also good ways to engage the seniors’ interest. A game of dominoes is always a hit! Even if they don’t “follow the rules” exactly, go along with whatever they do with them. I’ve used colorful dominoes to make designs or as building blocks with seniors, and then we had a hoot when their creations would come crashing down on the table before our eyes. Caregivers working in the board & care facilities have so many maintenance chores, for the daily upkeep of both the house and residents, they don’t have much spare time to engage the seniors in 1:1 activities, and hence, the TV becomes a “babysitter.” Any time you can spend during your visit to engage our Golden Oldies in activities is a real bonus!

• If you arrive for a visit and the news is on TV, ask the caregivers privately to change the channel to something less frightening. I’ve done this myself, until the caregivers finally realized how concerned I was about this issue and why. Yes, some Golden Oldies are weather or sports “junkies,” which is fine to a degree, but I truly believe the residents don’t need to see and hear the “breaking news” and major news stories normally filled with crime and violence. There are so many shows seniors enjoy! For example, who doesn’t love watching reruns of “I Love Lucy?” No matter how many times I watch, I still laugh out loud at Lucy, Ethel, Fred & Ricky’s crazy escapades. Don’t you? Chances are your aging parents will too — and reruns are on daily in most parts of the world. Another show the residents of my mom’s board and care really enjoy is “The Golden Girls” with Bea Arthur and company. Other alternatives are game shows, Lawrence Welk reruns, and currently the Olympics coverage (providing all is peaceful there as the Games continue). Many cable channels offer a broad range of alternates to TV news: the Discovery Channel, Home & Garden TV, and the Food Network just to name a few. And last but not least, I suggest turning on the cable channels that show old movies and musicals from our parents’ childhood. Or, you can buy DVD’s of these and donate them to the board & care facility to enjoy any time.

• Make a “TV Favorites” schedule written in large print and post it by the TV, so the residents (or caregivers) can easily refer to it during the day when deciding what to watch. In addition, if you notice a special show listed in the daily TV guide the Golden Oldies may enjoy, make a quick phone call to the caregivers to let them know the name, what time and which channel it’s on.

• If you find your Golden Oldies watching a news program you think could be unsettling to them, this suggestion from one of my readers is applicable. Her aging mother lives with her and her husband and they are unable to limit her mother’s TV viewing: “Since she lives with us, we try to compensate with other input, including laughing at something in the news story or the way it was presented to minimize its impact.” (Thank you for sharing this practical idea, Lori.)

So Where Do We Draw the Line?

Several readers have commented it would not be possible to either monitor or limit what their Golden Oldies are watching. Excellent point! Our Golden Oldies range from those still living independently with good physical health and sharp mental faculties, to those that are ailing physically and/or have dementia in varying degrees. The suggestions above mainly apply to those seniors who do not have TV’s in their own homes or bedrooms and do their TV viewing in a community setting with other residents.

I agree that we want our aging parents to keep their independence as long as possible, which includes watching TV shows they want to see as often as they want to view them. However, I also think it is wise for us to be conscious of how much TV viewing our aging parents do in general, what shows they are watching, and their reactions to them. Then take action as outlined above if and when you feel it is warranted.

Do you have any suggestions to add? Have you noticed any negative effects on your aging parents from what they watch on TV? Are you able to monitor and/or modify what they watch? Your comments are welcome below.

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.

Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”

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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

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“Oh, I sure am happy to see you,” the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother’s side. “Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”

The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that?” she asked.

“I heard him tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit,” the little boy answered.

To everyone in the TLeC community, have a fun weekend!

On Tuesday my blog received the honor of being selected as “New Blog of the Week” by Barbara Swafford of Blogging Without A Blog (BWAB)! On a weekly basis, Barbara selects one blog that is less than four months old and highlights it on her blog. You can read the lovely compliments she paid me here.

I want to send an enormous THANK YOU to Barbara for her support, encouragement and the many lessons about blogging I have learned by participating in her excellent BWAB community! If any of you are contemplating starting a blog, be sure to start reading (and commenting ) on her blog. Thank you, Barbara, for recognizing TenderLovingEldercare.com as a blog that matters!

You All Matter, Too!

Many BWAB members, both new and old, took time out of their busy day to send congratulations to me, make a comment on Barbara’s blog, or share personal stories about their own Golden Oldies. “Thank you” doesn’t begin to express how much those comments and emails mean to me!

If you haven’t visited these blogs before now, please do so (just click on their names below)! I am listing them because every one of them writes about things that matter!

Bamboo Forest

Davina

Scott McIntyre

Sunil Pathak

Lance

Al at 7P

John Hoff

Writer Dad

Jay

Ellen Wilson

Ann at One Bag Nation

SpaceAgeSage

chris

Annie

Vered

Ajith Edassery

Rita

Dr. Cason

T Edwards

Urban Panther

Linda

Natural

J.D. Meier

Shilpan

Evelyn Lim

Rajaie AlKorani

Ricardo Bueno

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

You have all motivated me to continue learning, growing and sharing even more!

With deep gratitude,

Linda

This is Part 1 of a 2-part series.

Click here to read Part 2.

As a family caregiver for over eight years, I’ve spent many hours touring or visiting senior citizens in both assisted living and board & care facilities. When I walk into the living room, one thing I am extremely conscious of is what TV programs the residents (or, as I prefer to call them, our Golden Oldies) are watching on TV.

My pet peeve is when I see the news playing on the screens!

Think about what we watch on any regular nightly news program — stories about violent crimes, “breaking news” that is negative in nature, live reports of car chases, shootings, bank robberies or child kidnappings, just to name a few. If it’s deemed a “big story,” the coverage will continue for hours with the same information being re-broadcast in a myriad of ways while reporters scramble for updates. And local news programs are on TV morning, noon and night. It’s really hard to watch any TV these days without being bombarded by news reports.

Several studies have shown that television viewing increases as our age does. One reason is that television replaces lost social contacts. Another reason is that as their senses get duller, it may be hard for seniors to read the newspaper or listen to the radio. In these situations, television provides both verbal and visual information together, especially now with the ability to enable closed-captioning on the screen itself. So there is a good chance our Golden Oldies are watching a lot more television as they age.

Consider how this affects our aging parents!

If they are watching more TV and it is filled with violence or upsetting stories, how do you think it colors their thinking and view of the world? My belief is they begin to believe the images seen on the news are occuring right in their own backyards, and that the world is a very scary place.

I saw this happen with my own parents, and I think it is the norm for many senior citizens these days. Just as we protect our children from TV news and violence, I believe we should protect our Golden Oldies from it as well.

Have you been conscious of what your aging parents watch on TV, whether they live independently or in assisted living?

Do they watch the news regularly?

Do you agree that these frightening stories have an effect on their perception of the locale in which they live? Do you think it changes their behavior by introducing a fearful vision of the world outside their door?

Let’s discuss. I welcome your comments below.

In Part 2, I will provide ideas on how to improve our aging parents’ TV viewing experience.

One early evening, a police car pulled up in front of Grandma Marge’s house, and Grandpa Stanley gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the neighborhood park and couldn’t find his way home.

“Oh Stanley,” said Grandma Marge. “You’ve been going to that park for over thirty years! How could you get lost?”

Leaning close to his wife, so that the policeman couldn’t hear, Grandpa Stanley whispered, “I wasn’t lost. I was just too tired to walk home.”

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One evening, a family brought their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping that she would be well-cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seemed okay, but afer a while she slowly started to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a whle she started to tilt to the other side. The nurses rushed back, and once more moved her back upright. This went on all morning.

Later the family arrived to see how the woman was adjusting to her new home. “So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you alright?” they inquired.

“It’s pretty nice here,” she replied. “Except they won’t let you fart.”

To everyone in my TLeC community, have a great weekend!