A magnitude 5.4 earthquake struck southern California at 11:42am today,  where my 99 year-old mother and our family live! 

It was the strongest earthquake to strike a populated area of southern California since the 1994 Northridge (Los Angeles) quake.  The epicenter was in Chino Hills, about an hour away from our homes, and it rocked the region from Los Angeles to San Diego.  There were also dozens of aftershocks, the largest so far being a magnitude 3.8. 

I was just leaving my Mom’s board and care home and was halfway down the path to the street, when I heard what sounded like the front door behind me being opened and closed again.  I didn’t think anything of it, because one of the other residents often goes to the door, looks out and then closes it again.  As I got down to the street, a caregiver opened the front door and called out to me, “Did you feel it?”  I said, “Feel what?”  Since I was walking, I had no idea an earthquake had even occurred.  The sounds I heard were actually the front door rattling due to the quake.  I went back into the house entryway and saw the overhead light fixture swaying side-to-side above me, which is a classic sign of an earthquake.  

I’m happy to report that everything there and at my house is fine.  No injuries, a few things were knocked over, but nothing was broken.  We are all very lucky!

Of course, this got me thinking about our aging parents and earthquake preparedness!

Here are a few things I did and you can do should an earthquake (or other natural disaster) strike where one of your Golden Oldies lives:

• If you live near your parents, go over to their home as soon as possible to check for possible injuries and provide first aid.  I was thankful to be “on the spot” at the board and care when the earthquake hit so I could check everything immediately.

• Check the gas, water and electric lines.  Fires could start, so beware.  Check phone lines too, replacing receivers if they’ve been knocked off by the shaking.

• Walk through the house with your parents to check for anything that fell off shelves or the walls, especially breakables.  Watch for broken glass.

• If you can’t get there quickly enough, ask one of their neighbors to do a walk-through with them.  Another reason why I recommend you have those phone numbers handy as part of a Senior Safety Net.

• If they need to evacuate, will you, another family member or neighbor of theirs be able to assit them?  Where will they go?  Having a plan in place is vital, especially if they are bedridden, in a wheelchair, or need assistance walking. 

• Even before an earthquake hits, when you are visiting their homes (or decorating their room in an assisted living or a board and care), think about what you hang on the walls near their beds.  I purposely hung only a small fabric collage over my Mom’s bed, so if it ever did fall in an earthquake it wouldn’t hurt her.  You may also want to bolt any heavy furniture, bookcases and mirrors to the walls so they don’t fall over.

• Do they have an up-to-date earthquake preparedness kit in their home?  Do they have extra medication, special foods and water for several days?  Do they have pet supplies if needed?  

• If they live in an assisted living facility, board and care, or nursing home, be sure there is both an eathquake kit and relocation plan in place, and that all of the caregivers are trained about what to do if a natural disaster strikes.  These things will probably be in place due to licensing requirements, but it is always wise to double check.  I called the administration of my Mom’s board and care this afternoon to be sure they were on top of disaster preparedness.

Here is a free, in-depth reference guide written by the Los Angeles Fire Department called “The Earthquake Preparedness Handbook” with detailed instructions for before and after a quake, as well as checklists to use in creating a kit for their (or your) home.  You can either read it online or print it out.

And on a personal note, our 18 year-old son was sitting on the backyard patio of our home when the quake struck.  He said the trees and patio cover shook like crazy!  He grabbed our dog and ducked under the patio table for cover.  Smart guy!

Have you or your aging parents survived an earthquake?  What other things can you think of to add to this list?

I was watching David Duchovny being interviewed by David Letterman on the “Late Show” one night last week.

Letterman said he had heard Duchovny was moving to New York and asked why?

Duchovny answered with a perfectly straight face, “Old people . . . . I hear NY has great old people.”  He then continued, “My wife (actor Tea Leoni) and I realized that we could go for a year in Los Angeles without my kids ever seeing old people.”

His answer shocked me, and also pleased me!

The Part That Pleased Me

I know Duchovny exists in the world of Hollywood, specifically Show Biz Hollywood, the land of stay-forever-young-especially-if-you-want-to-keep-working.  But I am very happy to see that he and his wife realize it is not a normal environment and want their kids exposed to “old people.”  My hunch is that their family’s “Golden Oldies” may reside in or near New York so it will be wonderful to live close by and give their children the opportunity to have lots of visit with the grandparents and vice versa.  You know I’m a huge fan of intergenerational relationships.

The Part That Shocked Me

I had to ask myself this:  Are there really geographic areas in our country such as Duchovny describes?  Could you go for a year where you live and not see “old people?”  Is our society that stratified?

Personally, I never experienced anything like this, because we always had many older relatives living near us to spend time with, both in NY and California.

What do you think?  Let’s discuss . . . .

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for stopping by my blog!  Hope you will stay awhile and look around.

While this is a relatively new blog, the most popular posts (based on the number of comments I’ve received) fall under these categories:

• My caregiving journey
• Inspiring quotes for caregivers
• Jokes for caregiver stress relief

Click on the blue links to get a sampling of what I’ve written that may strike your fancy. One post I am particularly proud of is the tribute I wrote to my Mom on the occasion of her 99th birthday earlier this month.

If you want to learn more about Tender Loving Eldercare or me, click on this link that will take you to the “About” page of my blog.

Please feel free to stop back anytime and/or e-mail questions for me to:

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If you’d like, you can subscribe to my blog by email or RSS feed by clicking here. That way you will be notified whenever new posts are published. 

And I would love it if you would leave a comment on any blog post that you find particularly interesting.  An important part of blogging for me is to create a conversation with my readers and by commenting you’re adding to this conversation and community.   Thank you in advance for that!

Please share my blog with your family or friends who may want help or support as they become caregivers for their aging parents, or our “Golden Oldies” as I like to call them.

I really appreciate your time spent visiting TenderLovingEldercare.com and I hope you gain something of value through my blog and our growing TLeC community!

Warmly,

Linda

As a child my all-time favorite ride was the roller coaster. From the “baby” ride at Nunley’s, our local amusement park on Long Island, to the big, adult coasters at Palisades Park and Rye’s Playland, larger theme parks, I wanted to ride them all. None of them scared me.

As an adult, being a family caregiver has put me on the roller coaster ride of my life. And it’s not, in Disneyland terms, an E ticket. And it’s darn scary.

Since my Mom turned 99 at the beginning of July (which I wrote about here), she’s had increasing health issues and the roller coaster ride has picked up speed on the downward side. Without going into the medical details, she is now confined to her bed in the room of the board and care she lives in nearby. I can’t help worrying if this bed is where her final weeks or days will be spent.

When she stopped walking and was confined to a wheelchair over a year ago, it didn’t bother me nearly as much as seeing her in bed does. Of course, I was sad that she couldn’t walk on her own any longer, but it also was a relief in some ways because it lowered the risk of her falling if she got up and tried to walk without assistance. Plus, we could still go outside together and enjoy one of her great loves, the beauty of nature, on our strolls through the neighborhood and the park. That’s gone now.

In her wheelchair with help from myself or the caregivers, she could still participate in the social activities in her house, including sing-a-long music in the living room, arts and crafts, daily meals with the other five lady residents, plus all of the holiday and birthday celebrations that take place in the heart of the board and care, the kitchen! Now her meals are served to her one-on-one in bed, and whether or not she can be put into her wheelchair to join any activities remains to be seen.

While I am a very optimistic person, my intuition tells me she won’t be getting out of bed again. When I see her in her hospital bed, she looks tiny, frail and vulnerable. And as I flashback to when she was a pleasingly plump woman full of life, this contrast just breaks my heart.

I visit her daily, sometimes stopping by both morning and evening. We have the best quality visits I can create — looking at photo albums together, telling her about family news and events, reading letters she’s gotten from relatives and friends, sharing favorite books and family stories, gently putting body lotion on her hands and feet, massaging her feet, or simply “cuddling her up” as I like to call showering her with as many hugs and kisses as I can.

We’ve decorated her room with photos, cards and flowers that she can see and enjoy from her bed. The radio is always on for her to listen to — the easy listening station play lots of songs she probably enjoys. Aromatherapy is also provided by the hospice company in the form of candles and reed diffusers.

And I never let her see me cry, because I believe she can pick up on my levels of stress and worry, and I do not want her to worry as a result. Just as she did to protect me when I was a little girl, the words, “Don’t upset the kinder” ring in my ear. Yes, Mom, turnabout is indeed fair play.

Despite the many visits and pretty room environment we’ve created, I’m worried she’s bored laying in bed all day. As much as I’ve read about Alzheimer’s Disease over the last ten years, I still have many questions about what is actually going on in her brain, and what is she thinking about all of this? How much thinking is she doing at all? Is there a level of consciousness where she wants to tell me her thoughts or feelings, but can’t due to the aphasia (inability to speak) she’s had over a year? I think she still understands very simple questions because she responds with her eyes or a slight head nod, so maybe she is thinking more than we realize. This saddens me deeply because maybe there is more I can do for her if she could only tell me!

Driving home after this morning’s visit, I forced myself to focus on the upward incline of this roller coaster ride. There are positives. She’s still eating, which shows she has the will to live. She’s comfortable and there are no signs of pain. (According to the hospice nurse and caregivers, we would see her wincing or hear moaning if she was experiencing pain.) I’m so grateful that I put her on hospice last year. because it gives me peace of mind knowing she will not be sent to an emergency room or hospital where she would be subjected to needles, tubes and invasive tests. And I am also very thankful that my Dad, who passed away three years ago, doesn’t have to witness these end-of-life changes to the one true love of his life.

So I will continue to ride the ups and downs on this roller coaster of caregiving, hating the downward plunges yet always looking for the next incline. And in doing so, I realize there’s a whole other meaning to the phrase “Hanging on for dear life.”

My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey

by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D.

This is not normally the type of book I read for pleasure; I’m much more of a fiction lover. But I heard a podcast interview with the author, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, and her compelling story had me buying her book the very same day.

What Is the Book About?

In 1996, Jill Bolte Taylor was a 37 year old brain scientist who experienced a massive stroke when a blood vessel burst in the left side of her brain. The amazing part is that she didn’t lose consciousness! Since she was a trained neuroanatomist, she observed her mind and body functions deteriorating over the course of four hours with a calm, scientific perspective, until help arrived and she was taken to the hospital. Her complete recovery took eight years, with the help of her amazing mother who was her nurse (not by profession), caregiver, teacher and cheerleader.

The knowledge and insights she gained from this experience make up the majority of the book. First, she briefly describes her pre-stroke life including her reasons why she became a brain scientist, her academic road and her advocacy interests.

There are several fascinating chapters describing the actual morning of the stroke:

“As a neuroanatomist, I must say that I learned as much about my brain and how it functions during that stroke, as I had in all my years of academia. By the end of that morning, my consciousness shifted into a perception that I was at one with the universe.”

The recovery chapters are an invaluable resource if you know someone who has had a stroke or other type of brain trauma. She has one Appendix titled “Forty Things I Needed the Most” which should be read by all medical professionals whose patients have sustained a brain injury.

She includes two chapters of “simple science” explaining how the left and right sides of our brain work, both independently and in tandem to create our perceptions of the world. Personally, I really don’t like science and had to force myself to read through this section. And I am so glad I did, because this scientific and medical journey transitions into Bolte Taylor’s spiritual exploration of her right-hemisphere’s consicousness, where she found a deep inner peace exists at all times. I wouldn’t have appreciated her “awakening” if I skipped over the brain lessons she provides.

“Based on my experience with losing my left mind, I whole-heartedly believe that the feeling of deep inner peace is neurological circuitry located in our right brain. This circuitry is constantly running and always available for us to hook into . . . Step one to experiencing inner peace is the willingness to be present in the right here, right now.”

So to my surprise, a book that started out as scientific turned into a beautiful lesson on spirituality, gratitude, love and compassion — and that we can find our deep inner peace if we just train ourselves to look for it. Who would have expected this could be written by a brain scientist?

Who Should Read It?

Obviously this book is for anyone who has experienced a stroke, is “at risk” for a stroke, or is caring for someone who is recovering from a stroke. Stroke is the third leading cause of death in the United States and the Number One cause of adult disability per the National Stroke Association.

But not all of our aging parents will fall into this category. So why do I think baby boomers should be reading this book?

Because Bolte Taylor’s lessons also apply to our aging parents who may have TIA’s (Transient Ischemic Attack, a “warning stroke” or mini-stroke) or be in the early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease. All of these brain diseases are more common in older populations, and baby boomers will be facing these types of medical issues ourselves as we age. It is important to be aware before a stroke happens.

I never expected a “medical story” to be so full of feelings. Bolte Taylor’s spirit and heart is an inspiration to all family members, whether they are the patient or the caregiver.

If you wish to learn more, below is the link to the book on Amazon.com:

My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D.

Have you read this book? Please share your opinions below.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

                                                      ~ Lao Tzu

This is Part 2 of a two-part series.

Click here for Part 1.

In Part 1 of this series I describe steps family caregivers can take to create a “Senior Safety Net” for our aging parents.  Purchasing a medical alert system (or personal emergency response system) for our Golden Oldies’ homes is a major component of this pro-active safety plan.

How Does It Work?

A medical alert system is simple and easy-to-use.  Help is literally at our parents’ fingertips in the form of a medical alert button that is worn around their neck, on the wrist or on a belt clip.  The buttons are waterproof and can be worn in the bath or shower where falls often occur.  It is connected wirelessly to a two-way voice communcation center where there is an operator on duty 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

When the button is pushed, it activates the in-home console and a signal is sent to the monitoring center.  An operator’s voice will be heard in your parents’ home, asking if everything is OK.  If your parent needs help, or if they can’t speak, an operator will call the appropriate emergency response unit (Fire or Police Department) based on need.  The operator will also notify family, neighbors or friends to let them know the situation.  This all occurs in a matter of minutes.  The operator will follow up to be sure that help has arrived.

Things to Consider Before Purchasing

Medical alert systems are a service you or your parents will be purchasing.  It always is smart to research carefully the features, benefits and references of each of the systems you are considering. 

Here are some questions to ask the companies:

1. Does the system automatically test itself each week to be sure it’s functioning properly?  Can you self-test it?
2. How long has the company been in business?  Are there customers in the area you can contact yourself by phone for references?
3. What is the training period and courses for operators?  Does the training include continuing education?
4. Ask about the company’s customer service, for the actual monitoring system as well as for technical questions you may have about the operation of the unit. 
5. What costs are involved?  Are there start-up fees?  Is there a minimum amount of time you must enroll for?  Is there a long-term contract required?  Reputable services will usually offer a money-back trial period at no risk to the buyer.
6. Are repairs or replacement parts included at no charge? 
7. Is there an emergency back-up power supply in case the electricity goes out? 

Why Have a Medical Alert System?

I consider this a major component of a “Senior Safety Net” for our aging parents because it will allow them to live independently longer.  Our Golden Oldies who live alone or have health-related problems will find a system like this very valuable.  And even if they don’t live alone, a medical alert system is needed because accidents and emergencies are never expected.  What if one of your parents needs help while the other is away from home? 

My hope is that not only will our Golden Oldies feel safer with a system like this installed in their home, but so will their families. 

If you’d like to compare a few highly-recommended medical alert systems, check out each of the links below:

            LifeStation Medical Alert Systems

            Philips Lifeline Medical Alert Systems

Have you or your parents had experience with an emergency medical alert system?  Do they provide you and your parents with peace of mind?  I welcome your comments or questions below.

The 84 Year-Old Bride

The local news station was interviewing an 84 year-old lady, because she had just gotten married — for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 84, and then about her new husband’s occupation.  “He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought. 

He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.  She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, later on a preacher when in her 60’s, and now, in her 80’s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

“Easy, son,” she smiled.

“I married one for the money, . . . two for the show, . . . three to get ready,   . . .  and four to go!”

Warmly,

Linda 

“No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence.”

                                                            ~ George Eliot

This is Part 1 of a 2-part series.

Click here for Part 2.

If our aging parent fell in their home and passed out, how would we know? 

If they became paralyzed by a stroke and couldn’t call us or reach a neighbor, what happens then? 

What if we call several times on a day you know they are at home and they don’t pick up the telephone? 

Any of these scenarios could happen to our Golden Oldies.  I think it’s imperative to put a “Senior Safety Net” in place to help our parents in these potentially life-threatening situations.  And most importantly, we must be pro-active and get a plan in place before an emergency happens!  

• Collect the names, phone numbers and email addresses for their immediate neighbors and introduce yourself to them the next time you’re visiting.  In case you can’t reach your parents, you can call and ask them to check on them for you.

• Have an extra set of keys made for your parents’ home and car for you to keep.   They could also exchange house keys with a friendly neighbor if they feel comfortable doing this.  

• Obtain a MedicAlert bracelet for your parents to wear.  MedicAlert is a non-profit organization that protects and saves lives by providing identification and medical information in emergencies.  Emergency medical personnel are trained to look for the MedicAlert emblem which has your parents’ personal ID number, primary medical conditions, and the phone number of the organization’s 24-hour Emergency Response Center.  In the event of an emergency, MedicAlert will also notify your family or designated contacts.  A senior citizen does not even have to have a known medical condition; instead it could be used for identification purposes only. For further information about this organization and its services, click here.

• There are home medical alert systems that can be purchased and in Part 2 I will report in detail about them.

These tips for a “Senior Safety Net” should help provide peace of mind for our aging parents and as well as for us, the family caregivers.